Stuck on Pause (For the Record # 2)

CCXXVII

[Messenger]

Adrijana Cathleen Javier

3:41 p.m.

Adrijana
Kahn, tinanong ko kanina
Hindi naman daw

Kahn
Talaga?

Adrijana
Yup
Sabi niya di siya galit

Kahn
Pero bakit siya umiiwas? :(

Adrijana
Ayan tinanong ko rin
Pero di niya sinagot eh

Kahn
😔😔😔😔

Adrijana
Sorry :(

Kahn
Okay lang
Thank you pa rin rija

Adrijana
Oki

JOURNAL

March 18, 1pm

I wasn't able to make my own reviewers kasi wala akong gana lately. Puro skim lang sa notes nagagawa ko but I'm thankful na somehow, okay pa rin naman scores ko sa seatworks and last quizzes.

Thankful din ako sa reviewers na ginawa ni Kahn. I have been using it lately and it's a big help. Ang cute din nung small notes niya sa gilid and he has this bullets. He calls it stoppers. May color legend pa siya. Kapag daw na-reach ko yung green stopper, it means I get to eat a choc nut. Kapag naman yung pink stopper, it means I earned a hug from him. 😔

I'm tired of crying pero there's not much I can do. Bantay-sarado ako ni Kuya sa school. I have no means to communicate with him kasi nakay Papa phone and iPad ko. And to be honest, nahihiya rin ako kay Kahn, I really don't know what to say. But I miss him so much and I hope I could redeem those hugs. Pagod na pagod ako lately and every day na lang sinusumbat sa akin na ang early ko raw lumandi.

Gets ko naman. It's my fault kaya wala rin akong magawa kasi tama naman sila. But it's not like hindi ko pinigilan 'yong sarili ko noon. Pero hindi naman maniniwala si Papa kahit sabihin ko to. Kasi I still gave in to it. I didn't mean to like anyone at this age. I know it's too young.

But it's hard not to like Kahn. He's nice and kahit ang corny ng jokes niya minsan, he still makes me laugh. He's hardworking, too. Hindi naman siya bulakbol. I know I judged him way too early before but he goes up and beyond for the things he's passionate about. Just like nung nag-training sila for basketball. I hope Papa could see that before saying na wala ring kuwenta yung boyfriend ko every chance he gets.

And I regret not telling Kahn all of these things. I miss my ray of sunshine. 😔