Stuck on Pause (For the Record # 2)

CCCLXVII

[iMessage]

Vina 🌷

November 7, 3:21 p.m.

Vanya
Vina?
Are you there bb?

Vina
Yes ate?

3:24 p.m.

Vanya
Anong meron?
Bakit biglang nag sorry sa akin si Mama?

3:25 p.m.

Vina
Pinuntahan nila ako dito kanina ate
Then nagkasagutan sila ni mama nat
But don't worry, she's fine. Medyo nahilo lang siya kanina kasi inatake rin ng high blood pero okay na siya ngayon. I also talked to mama and papa, i think I was able to say 75% of my reasons at least. I also told them na they should apologize to you :( I'm glad mama did

Vanya
Oh... I see
Nagtext kasi si mama sakin bigla
Sabi niya sorry daw tapos pinauuwi ako sa bahay

Vina
Uuwi ka ba ate?

Vanya
Ikaw ba bb?
Uuwi ka?

Vina
No ate :<
Susunduin talaga nila ako dapat kanina
But I told them I'm not ready to go home. Super bigat ng pakiramdam ko kapag nandun ako sa bahay

Vanya
Same :(
You know what, I didn't realize na ang heavy pala talaga ng ambiance sa bahay kung hindi pa ako mag mmove out? It was actually so suffocating na feeling ko ngayon bigla akong nakahinga?

Vanya
Ngayon ko lang narealize na I'm almost 30 but lahat kailangan ko rin ipaalam kay mama at papa as if I'm not an adult yet or a person without a functioning brain? Alam naman natin ginagawa natin pero we still have to tiptoe around and ask if we could do something?

Vina
Hay :(

JOURNAL

November 7, 4pm

I honestly can't see myself going back sa house nila Papa. Kung visit, sure. Pero live there again? No. Not when I can finally prove to myself na kaya ko na rin talaga on my own.

But honestly, it was nice to hear that from Mama. Somehow. It would've been nicer if Vina didn't have to say something, na kusa nilang maiisip and mare-realize yun. But also, I'm thankful Vina had the guts to talk to them unlike me and Kuya. I'm so proud of my bb.

[iMessage]

kahn iv

November 10, 12:04 p.m.

Kahn
Lunch mo na?

Vanya
Yup

Kahn
Ok

Vanya
Bakit?
Sasabayan mo ba ako for lunch?

Kahn
Iniisip ko pa
Pero oo sana kung pwede

Vanya
Wala naman ako kasabay ngayon
Nasaan ka ba?

Kahn
Condo

Vanya
Ohh
Malapit lang pala
I can go there

Kahn
Tapos luto na lang ako?
Kaso di pa ako nakaka grocery ulit
Tucino saka sardinas lang nandito

Vanya
Okay na ako sa sardines na may misua ba tawag dun? Basta yung noodles na manipis

Kahn
Ahh sige
Tingnan ko sa tindahan kung may misua
Yun na lang iluto ko

Vanya
Oki
Papunta na ako

Kahn
May itatanong din pala sana ako sayo mamaya

Vanya
Ohh
About?

Kahn
Living arrangements