Bsd Angst One Shots

Akutagawa & Gin, Also Higuchi

Tw Panic Atack, Self harm

(Akutagawa pov)

I'm weak. I'm so weak I can't even control my own emotions, Dazai was right. Weretiger probaly wouldn't have done such pathetic and stupid thing. I thinked while washing blood of off my arms. They hurt, they hurt so much I will probably strugle today with using them. But it's the only thing that makes me feel at least a bit better.

I started to bandage my arms and after I'm done I look into the mirror in front of me. Weak. I think to myself and my on my face appears an angry expression. I try to think about something else, something better. But right now the only thing in my head was memories off Dazai saying how weak and useless I am. In an attempt to stop all the bad memories I squeezed my head with my arms. I looked at the mirror again to see that a tear was running down my cheek. I stared at the tear horified. And wiped it of with my sleeve. But then more started falling out and. I tried to wipe all the tears off but then I wiped some, in their place came even more. I didn't know what to do and started panicking. My breath started being unstable and at some point I just sitted on the cold floor of my bathroom and tried to stop myself from breathing so fast. From all these emotions and stress I didn't even notice then someone went inside the bathroom.

(Gin pov)

I just finished mission so I headed to my and Ryuu's apartment. Today he was eve.  n more depressed then always so I was woried about him. As though this I sped up a little.

I came into our apartment sying a quiet "I'm home" and started looking for my brother. First I went into his room and he wasn't there. Next into the leaving room he wasn't there as well but as I went into the kitchen that was connected to the leaving room. And saw a first aid kit on the counter I came up and noticed that bandages are missing. It made me more woried did Ryuu hurt himself by accident? Or maybe he got hurt at the mission? With woried look on my face I went to the last room. The bathroom.

I walked to the door and pulled out my hand then sudenly I heard something from the inside. I tried to explain myself what the sound was then it hit me. it were sobs, Ryuu's sobs. As realized it I imediantly grabbed the door knob and opened the door.

The door was wide open and the scene I saw inside was truly horrifying.

Ryuunosuke was siting on the floor in front of the sink, desperately trying to wipe his tears with his sleeves. I have never saw him like this before, he was such a mess that he didn't even realized that I came into the bathroom.

I didn't realy know what to do at first but once I thought some more of what to do I realized the best think will be just go for it. And so I walked closer and kneeled down next to him. I stretched out my hand and pet his head in atempt of calming him down. He stoped wiping his face, the sobs also stoped. Then he puted his hand on my hand.
"Hey Ryuu..."
I said kinda out of nowhere but I didn't know how to start.
"What happened? Is everything alright?"
As I asked it I could hear him satr sobbing once again.
"I'-I'm sorry Gin..."
I looked at him and tilted my head waiting for an answer.
"I'm sorry you have to have such a pathetic and useless brother... I realy am"
I couldn't belive what I was hearing, I hugged him imendiantly. I knew he thinks low of himsef because of the abuse he recived from Dazai. But it still hurted to hear him say it.
"Don't say thing like this! I am very happy to have you as a brother and you are the strongest person I have ever met!"
He raised his head up releaseing himself from my ambrence a bit.
"And don't you ever think that way again. Okay?"
I asked now more calmer.
He puted his head back in onto my chest and didn't respond nor noded or shook his head.

We stayed like this for at leas one hour. Me just stroking Ryuu's hair and huging him, and Ryuu resting on my chest with his eyes closed. It looked almost as if he's asleap, but every time cheaked if he is by shooking his shoulder slightly. He opened his eyes, only to close them soon after. But finally then I once again cheaked if he is asleap he was, so stood up and picked him up. I'm luckyly strong so I could do it, but actualy I think even a realy weak person would pick him up. As Ryuunosuke was very light. I have never noticed it, but from now on I'll cheak if he's eating properly more often.