Bsd Angst One Shots

Dazai feels sick

tw eating disorder lots of talk about food don't read if you get trigered please, also ftm dazai not much to it though. in the place of weight there's **.** becauase it's trigering for me then someone says their weight and for other people it might be too so i'm not gonna put the number. also naturally dazai suicide tw but only thinking about it.

I open my eyes and see the celing of the dirty smelly shiping container i oh so adore, i got used to the smell by now actually.
The smell of blood and vomit, I wont clean up because I dont have a reason to. And even if I had I dont even know how i would clean it or where the spot which i need to clean is. 

"whatever" I sigh annoyed, letting my eyes close again. After a while of laying with my eyes closed seeing only darkness caused my thoughts to go wild thinking about verious wonderfull ways i could commit suicide. It was nice, unfortunaly soon something different started walking around in my mind. But I decide to leave this one for later.

I got out of the bed, immediantly feeling dizzy, heh guess I got up too quickly. Either way I reach for my black coat and throw it on walking out of the container, wobly but did.

Going through the city I have my head high up looking at every rooftop thinking about from which one I would die least painfully, also concidering the spots I would fall, on I groan annoyed then every time i see a wonderfully tall building at the base of it there is something spikey and sharp that would for SURE not be painless even a bit. I continue wallking untill my eyes caught on a building that at its base has a little garden with lots of flowers. It wouldn't be painless either considering that a lot of these flowers were roses with spikes. But it would for sure be beautiful die while laying in flowers. Just imagining the way my blood would color all the colorfull plants red if I sliced my skin before falling on them made a smile appear on my pale face. 

A big smile on my pale face mixed with my two dull black holes which some may call eyes must have not been the best sight for a grandma siting some meters away on a bench stared at me with fear for a second, before going back to eating her pice of pastry, a donut more specifically. Which my happy smile interupted. 
Pastry
Hmm...
Now that I think of it I wanted to eat something sweet since the morning.

Not thinking any further my legs take me into the nearest bakery, looking at all the sweet things almost make me loose my mind. If i could. I would DEVOUR every single one of them. the donuts the cakes the cookies, oh, the cookies.

Sadly the small amount of money in my shoe (which I'm still glad for) allows me to get only one cookie. With a slightly sad sigh I walk to the counter puting on, one of my many masks smiling a saying good moring to the pretty lady behind the counter. I chose a the very yummy looking chocolate cookie that makes my mouth drool. 

I get the cookie in a paper bag, say goodbye to the lady, and head out.

I walk in the direction of the place I was previously walking to. 
While walking I stare at the cookie in my hand, it looks so delicious, but for some reason now that I have it I feel slightly guitly. I don't know why but the though of eating it for some stupid reason seems. Scary? I'm not sure if it's the right word but I know that the feelings I'm feeling arent nice. Some peoples laughter makes me go back on earth and out of my thoughts. Looking back at the sweetness in my hand I forget about all the feelings thinking only about how very eatable it looks. I take a bite and my eyes fill with start because of how GOOD this thing is. I take a second bite which is even more good then the previous one and realise that I have only one pice of this heavently treat. And so my next bites are smaller then these of ants, but every one as satisfiying.

Soon after finishing my last bite I am at my destination. The destination being not other then a room in the port mafia headquarters belonging to a cartain angry chihuahua. Grining I take a hairpin out of my pocket and start working on opening the door.