Craving him || Chanlix

Notice

Hi guys,

This is Fluffiechanlix.

First of all I want to thank you for reading this story and voting on the chapters. I would never have thought I could reach so many people with this story but I'm really really grateful. It still feels unreal to see so many people enjoy it <3

Secondly, I'm sorry for disappearing again just like that. I've had some things going on in my life and I felt like explaining a little cause I've kept everyone waiting so long for a new chapter, or just any sign of life from me.

After the first time I had a break and started writing again, I really thought I had enough motivation to keep going and finish this story and so on, but at some point everything just vanished again; my motivation, energy, ideas etc.

I decided a small break couldn't hurt and expected from myself to start writing again in a few days or a week or so, but everything just kept getting worse. I didn't have the energy to go out of the house anymore or do the simplest things and my anxiety was killing me. There was a point where I wanted to make everything stop, but I just couldn't. 

Eventually when things started getting better little by little again, it suddenly went downhill; my grandpa got really sick. He was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer and there was no cure or any way of saving him. Weeks passed by and we had to say goodbye to him, which affected me more than I thought it would. He was the only grandpa I ever had and he was always very sweet to me.

The morning before saying goodbye to him (he was euthanized) I was visiting a college with my parents, to maybe go to after summer. For the first time I had a panic attack in front of my parents because of something my dad said (I'm not gonna go too deep into detail) and couldn't control my emotions anymore and just completely broke down when we got home.

My dad ignored me all that time and turns out my parents thought I had been faking my fear for all these years, just to seek attention (which they didn't really give me before either). The fact that they never noticed something seriously wrong or ignored the times where I asked for help kinda hurt.

My mom eventually listened as I broke down again in front of her and agreed I needed help, but my dad never seemed to care. (My relationship with him isn't the best and we don't really talk that often.)

So, fast forwarding some weeks, I had an appointment with the doctor and after 5 minutes she was positive I was suffering from a serious anxiety disorder. So I had to apply for a therapist and everything and was put on the waiting list.

Last week I had my first appointment and at some point I broke down again, because I've gotten too sensitive about everything evolving my anxiety and the stress and fear just added onto it, but she was very kind and listened to everything I had to say.

I'm hoping therapy will be able to help me, because my parents are forcing me to go to school after summer and I still don't know where I want to go or what I like and in this state I'd rather jump off a building than go back to school.

So, that was very personal and out of the blue, but I needed to get it off my chest and I must say it maybe helped a bit. I pray no one I know in real life comes across this, but that's very unlikely because I don't have any friends left and my family hopefully isn't on wattpad.

I understand if you didn't read this whole paragraph but if you did I'm kindly asking you to not ask questions about my mental health because I'm not comfortable answering them. I'm not doing okay and I don't want to be reminded of that. Sorry for these harsh words but I'm hoping you will understand.

(Feel free to ask any other questions tho!)

I may need some time to get used to writing again and finding the motivation and joy in it as well, but I'm positive that day will come soon.

This is a goodbye for now, so hopefully I will see you in the next chapter, or perhaps a new story if those will ever come out of my drafts.

Love you lots and stay safe!

Y-