Coastline From The Sky- (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

Compunction

Hindi na ako nakabalik sa pagtulog nang bumalik ako sa kwarto, kaya nagpasya akong bumaba na lang ng building para doon sa gym room uubusin ang natitirang oras bago tuluyang mag-umaga.

Wearing my sports attire, I did my usual stuff when I got in there. I was all alone inside dahil napakaaga pa naman, and the room was still in its deemed light. I didn't bother myself turning on the other lights for the better lightning of the surrounding, kasi ako lang naman ang nandito pa.

I positioned myself in front of the punching bag. Pinilig ko muna pakaliwa’t kanan ang leeg ko and stretches a little before I put my gloves on and started to punch. The punching bag's chain makes a loud thud as I punch it so hard. I punch and kick it, never minding the sweat that starts to run all over my body.

The more the memory flashes in my mind, the harder I punch and kick. I'm sweating bullets, but I'm not minding it. In fact, it feels like it fuels me.

'Yes, Carae, you are not my daughter!' Caroline’s voice echoed in my head.

‘You are your father’s bastard!’

'Your bastard is pushing me to my limit, Cem!'

'Yeter, Caroline! Yeter!' my father's voice in my head.

‘Whatever you do, I will never love you the way I loved Raia and Cassimer! You are hard-headed!’ another heated scene between my known mother and me when I was trying to explain her what I want and what I don't. And those words will always be her rebuttal. Alam na alam niya kung saan at kailan ako pupunteryahin ng mga salita niya. Alam niya kung kailan ako patatahimikin ng mga rebuttal niya.

"Ahhh! Damn you!" Sunod-sunod ang pagpapa-ulan ko nang suntok sa punching bag. I punched hard and shouted when it played on my mind again. Even with the chain's noise, I can still clearly hear it. Maybe because it's not in my surroundings, but it's inside my mind. Kaya kahit gaano pa kalakas ang ingay sa paligid na nililikha ko, nananatiling malinaw ang mga salitang iyon sa isip ko, tagos hanggang buto ang inis at galit ni Caroline sa akin—ng kinikilala kong ina.

“You will pay for this!” I shouted once more. “All. Of. You!”

Naghabol ako ng hininga nang bahagya na akong kumalma. Tinukod ko ang noo ko sa punching bag, habang hawak-hawak ko ito para hindi ito gumalaw at ipinikit ang mga mata.

I hate this. I need to clear my mind.

Akala ko hindi ko didibdibin ang mga nalaman ko, since I was so used of being ignored. But today is the proof that I was wrong—na akala ko lang na kaya kong balewalain ang mga masasakit na salitang ibinato ng nakilala kong ina sa akin. I thought I am strong enough to stand in front of all the problems and hate that she’d thrown to me... but clearly I was wrong.

I was still craving for her love despite all the hate she spit out to me. Pinapatunayan niya lagi na kulang at uhaw na uhaw ako sa pagmamahal ng isang ina, na kung kaya kung magmakaawa sa kanya ay gagawin ko. Mabuti na lang at matibay ang pride ko.

I once did pleaded for her love, but I won’t do it twice. Once is enough for me, twice is too much... and pleading thrice is a poison. It’s not only applicable for lovers, it also was applicable to me... to my parents.

I spent my remaining time on the treadmill, trying to clear my mind, before I decided to go back to my room to prepare myself for flight.

I was wearing our pilot uniform when I got inside my car. My black Lamborghini was parked besides Arshed's shining red and black Ford Mustang.

I tilted my head and checked my wrist watch. It's already eight in the morning; I just wonder what took Arshed so long to get down and go to the QIA building.