Feral Attachments

Chapter 13

Isla

I roll over and blink as the sun pulls me out of my comfortable sleep. My whole body is sore and I stretch to try and shake some of the stiffness from my joints. My brain is still slightly foggy, the haze of the heat still flooding my senses. I jostle my body again, testing my muscles. It's then I notice the thick arm wrapped around my middle, holding me tight against a warm, strong body. I go still as the memories of the night before come barreling back into me. Some of the images are distorted from the heat, but I remember the important things clearly. Atlas taking care of me, giving me the power. 

Biting his own arm to keep himself from marking me. 

"Good morning, little wolf." his voice floats from behind me, deep and gravelly as he wakes from his own slumber. 

"Good morning, Alpha." I quip back, my voice sounding strange to my own ears. I'm still in heat, that much is obvious, but my body is no longer tortured from the flames of last night. He groans slightly and pulls me tighter into his chest, tucking his face into the back of my neck and taking a deep breath. 

"You smell so fucking good." he murmurs into my hair, the feel of his breath across my skin making me shiver. 

"It's just the heat." I say, unable to stop a small smile from spreading across my lips. "It'll fade in a day or two." I add, trying to explain away the sudden rush of affection flowing through me. I find I like this side of Atlas far too much for my own good. 

"You always smell good, Isla. Your heat just magnifies it. Makes you even harder to resist than usual." he responds. 

"Well, you didn't resist me." I point out, a teasing tone to my voice. He laughs from behind me, the movement of his chest causing his bare skin to rub against my back. It feels incredible, like tiny little pops of pleasure everywhere he's pressed against me. It's soothing and exciting at the same time and I know his close proximity is helping me through this, but part of me is worried I will start to enjoy it too much. 

"I did actually. If I had it my way, my teeth marks would be on your neck." he says, a small growl to his voice that lets me know his wolf is pushing forward. I can't even imagine the amount of force it took to take the power away from his wolf. Saying I'm impressed would be an understatement. I turn around to face him, moving up so I'm eye level with him. I watch him for a few moments, tracing every line and dip of his face with my eyes. 

"But you didn't." I say quietly. His face goes more lax as he nods before breaking eye contact to look away from me and out the window. "No one would have blamed you if you did." I add, reaching out to run the palm of my hand across the stubble on his face. His eyes slide back to mine, watching me like he's trying to run the maze of thoughts in my mind. 

"I would have." he says. 

"Would have what?" I ask. 

"Blamed me." he responds, his words so sincere I don't doubt his honesty for a moment. I think on his statement for a long moment, formulating my thoughts and concerns the best I can before taking a deep breath and speaking. 

"You know," I start, running the pad of my thumb across his lower lip. "When I first came here, I thought you didn't deserve me. That I was somehow better, more evolved than you." I muse, moving to run my fingers through his hair as he watches me with rapt attention. "But now I wonder if it's the other way around." I admit, my voice going quiet as I say out loud the thoughts I swore to myself I never would. "Now I wonder if I could never be good enough for you." 

There's a long moment of silence as Atlas enjoys my touch while thinking over my words. I'm not sure what possessed me to say it, but the more I think on it the more I realize it's true. It's as if something clicks in my brain and I realize that maybe part of me didn't shun an attachment only because I was terrified of being abused. Obviously that was some of it. But maybe, deep down somewhere in the nooks and divots of my soul, the ones I buried so long ago in order to survive, part of me thinks that if my own father couldn't love me, why in the fuck would anyone else?

"It's not true." Atlas says quietly, stirring me out of my own thoughts. 

"What?" I ask, not sure what he means. I focus in on him again, his face hard as he reaches up to grip my chin. 

"What you've been through, Isla, would make anyone feel the exact same way as you. And I don't blame you for a single moment for being so wary of Alpha's. But what you said is absolutely not true. You, sweet girl, are incredible. You are kind, intelligent, funny as hell and so fucking strong. Stronger than you should have needed to be. That's why I don't only genuinely like you, I respect you more than anyone I've ever met." he says with such emotion that tears prick my eyes. 

"Atlas..." I say, going to pull away as I'm overcome with feelings I'm not familiar or comfortable with. 

"No. Listen to me. If there was ever a time I'd ask you actually do as I say, this would be it. I want you to understand it's okay to doubt me. Actually you should. But please don't hold yourself back from something that could be amazing just because you're scared. I know it's hard, sweetheart. I know. But if you think you could give me a chance, a real one, I know I could prove to you that my intentions are pure." he says firmly, pecking a kiss to my lips before pulling away. I sigh and snuggle into him, needing this affection after having starved myself of it for so long. 

"I am scared." I admit. Shielding myself from his view somehow making it easier to say these things. 

"I know." he says, pressing a firm kiss to my head as he holds me tight. 

"I'm scared you're pretending. That when I finally give in and you mark me, you'll turn cold. That I will have let childish fantasies rule out over common sense. That I will be doomed to a life of misery and that it will be all my fault. I'm scared that you will make me lose myself." I say so quietly I'm not even sure he heard me. 

"I won't." he says simply. "That's not the kind of attachment I want, Isla. If it were I would have settled long ago. It would have been easy. And some would even argue the right thing to do. A pack needs a Luna. But I held out knowing I needed the right person. So I waited." he says, sighing slightly before he speaks again. "I waited for you."