Feral Attachments

Chapter 17

Atlas

I sink to my knees next to Isla, running my hands anxiously through my hair. Dread and doubt filling me so acutely I fear I could combust from the torrent of emotions winding through me so quickly. I have no idea how to fix this, but I know I have to. Even if she changes her mind about the attachment, I can't let her think I did something so cruel, so evil, so unforgivable. 

I can't be the reason she's never the same. 

"Isla, sweetheart. Nothing happened. I shook her hand before she left the pack. That's all it was." I murmur gently, hoping for any sort of reaction. 

I don't see anything, but I can feel her defenses come up further. It's as if her wolf is putting up blocks in her heart and mind, trying to protect what little is left of her soul. I want to push back, but I reign in my own wolf knowing that forcing her to open her mind to me will only make her angrier. Pain ricochets through my sternum and I can't tell where mine starts and hers begins. We've been so connected with each other, we've started feeling each other's emotions. I was overjoyed at our easy growth, the way we melded to each other so completely. Now her emotions are clogging my senses, making it difficult for my brain to function, to come up with some sort of solution. 

"Tell me how to fix this, Isla. Please. I'll do anything." I beg, unable to hide the shakiness from my voice. She's quiet for a long moment before she responds. 

"Anything?" she asks, her voice so quiet I almost don't hear her.

"Yes, sweetheart. Anything." I say resolutely. She goes silent again, like she's pondering her next words carefully. It feels like hours, but is likely only minutes before she speaks again. 

"Then let me go." she says.

"Let you go?" I ask. 

"Yes. Set me free. Back to what I was before. You have proven all of my fears, everything I was worried about, it's all true." she responds and I feel my heart sink further. 

"No it's not." I say firmly. At my tone, her head snaps in my direction, a storm brewing in her eyes as she glares at me. 

"Don't fucking lie to me, Atlas." she snaps, her words hitting me sharp like a whip, pain lancing across my skin at the accusation. 

"I have never lied to you, Isla. And I didn't do anything inappropriate with Ellery." I respond as calmly as my swirling emotions will allow. 

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" she screams at me, the growl in her words so loud that the windows shake. Her eyes widen at her own intensity until they slowly begin to fill with tears. 

The next moment I watch her shatter to pieces in front of me. Her shoulders slump as her whole body wracks with sobs. The sound of her agony buries deep in my brain like the sharp end of an ice pick, the memory burrowing so deep I'll surely relive it in nightmares for the rest of my existence. My wolf looses a hold of the small shred of sanity we were both clinging to. Panic fills my chest along with bile up my throat as I consider for the first time since I stepped in this room that maybe I can't fix this. 

Maybe I've truly lost her. 

"No..." I murmur as I reach up and clutch my chest above my heart, hoping to dissipate some of the agony that has taken up residence there. "No, Isla. Please." I beg, my own eyes beginning to glisten with moisture. I've never cried in my life, the feeling so foreign it causes even more confusion in my already frantic brain. I reach up to swipe angrily at the water as it glides down my face. 

Tears, I realize. They are my own tears. 

"Isla, let me fix it. I swear I can." I plead with her, reaching for her. She sees the movement and cowers away from my touch. I pull away from her quickly, not wanting to do anymore damage. 

"You can't fix it, Atlas. You can't fix me, either. I am the way I am. I need to be alone. It's the only way I can survive. Because I can never go through this again. It will destroy me." she says. "It may already have." she adds. 

"No, Isla. I can prove what I'm saying to you." I respond as an idea begins to sprout in my mind. She looks at me, wiping her own face as she glowers in doubt. 

"No. You can't." she says, but it only firms my resolve to enact my plan. 

"Yes. I can. Just give me a chance." I say, working with my wolf to do something I have never heard of any Alpha doing. 

Lifting the block on my mind. 

"Atlas, I-" Isla starts, but I lift my hand to quiet her as I focus all of my energy on opening my mind to her. 

I feel the links of security begin to unravel, my mind clearing almost as if I unlocked an actual lock and can physically see the strands of protection unraveling, leaving my mind and soul bare to the woman next to me. She must sense it because I hear her gasp. I risk opening my eyes to see her staring at me in shock, before she shakes her head and pulls away. 

"No. I don't want to see it." she says, panicking and trying to leave the room. 

"Isla, look inside my mind and you'll see the truth." I say, forcing my mind to stay open for her to explore despite the discomfort it causes me. This matters too much to give up now. To my intense frustration, she shakes her head again still refusing my offer of proof. 

"I can't. I can't see what you did with her. It will hurt too much." she responds, her eyes practically screaming how terrified she is. 

I take a deep breath and consider my next move. I hate it. I always swore I would never Alpha command my mate. That I would never misuse my power, that I would never force someone I care for to do something they don't want to do. But she is far too scared, too hurt and too mistrusting to listen to reason. 

"Isla. Look at me." I say with the tone Alpha's use with Omega's. Her eyes snap to mine, and I can see the fury in them. I don't know if she'll ever forgive me for this, but I need her to see the truth. 

"Look in my mind. See what you need to see." I say. 

Her eyes go distant as she focuses in to my memories. I start with the moment I met her. How I felt about her, how much I wanted her. I play through our first few months, how I wanted to push her, but respected her boundaries instead. How I would do anything for her, because she's worth it. I share my joy with her when she agreed to the attachment. I let her feel my growing emotions with every moment we've spent together since. All the way up to today. I play through my brief interaction with Ellery, then how I snuck in here and accidentally transferred her scent. I hear Isla's sharp intake of breath as she realizes what I've said is true. 

I release the command and she slumps forward immediately, lifting her hands to her face as she rubs her red, tired eyes. To my surprise she stays in my mind, not completely inspecting it, but more like as a slight presence. 

And I find I actually enjoy it. 

We both breathe for a few long moments as I let her digest and dissect what she just saw. There can be no denying my honesty now. There's no known way to change your memories or to hide your emotions. That's why it's such an unfair tool for Alpha's to use against Omega's. And why I've never done it. 

"Do you see now, Isla?" I ask gently after her breathing has returned to normal. I scoot closer to her and she lowers her hands to watch me wearily. "Do you see now why I could never do anything to hurt you?" I ask, reaching out to cup her cheek gently with my hand. At my touch her eyes fill with fresh tears. 

"Do you see now how much I love you?"