Who to choose

#2 - Monday morning

I woke up Monday morning to my alarm that rang on my nightstand. It felt as I haven't slept at all, what happened Saturday night had still rummaged in my head, I still didn't understand how I could have lost my head with a man I didn't even know. I was embarrassed that I had let him kiss me that way. I was 27 years and no matter how pathetic it sounded, it would have been my second kiss. And the first kiss had been in College at the age of twenty where René had led me believe that he loved me, only to get in my pants, which he had succeeded, not because I had been ready for it but more because it was what was expected of me. And it had annoyed me ever since that I gave that asshole my virginity, especially because he the day after, had been with his click and without remorse told me, in front of all of them, that the only reason he had even given me any attention, was that he had made a bet with his friends. And I would never forget his last remark. "Honestly Alicia, who in their right mind would voluntarily have anything to do with you, all that fat danced every time I as much as laid a hand on you. But thanks for the sex and 2000 bucks I earned by it, and I enyojed Julie who satisfied me as a consolation prize for what I had to endure by being with you. I have wanted Julie the whole school year, so I couldn't say no to get her when the only thing I had to do was to get in your pants." Even the thought of that conversation and all the patronizing glances I had gotten the time after, got it to turn in me. But after the huge mistake ,that can't even be called a relationship I hadn't had a boyfriend in my 27 years, not because I wasn't interested, I fantasized about how it would be to have a boyfriend who I could share my life with, but it wasn't likely to happened. I had always been a little withdrawn and shy person, I wasn't one who drew attention to myself, and didn't really know what I should do when a guy tried to have a conversation with me, and I always ended up looking away and probably send out the signal that I wasn't interested. My shyness and seclusion wasn't exactly something that made it more likely to get a boyfriend and, more than that, I hadn't exactly the body as the fashion industry demanded, so I wasn't one of those girls who attracted much attention when I entered a room. But I couldn't blame it all at my body cause not everybody wasn't interested in the same type of woman, so there would probably be one that could also be interested in me, but to make him aware of me then I probably should do more for it than I did, I wasn't one who went to the nightclub very often, I would actually rather be at home by myself and read a book or watch television, so I didn't exactly make it easy for my knight in shining armor to meet me. So it was probably my own fault that there had been any action on that front in my life, but I couldn't figure out how to change myself. I didn't like being at nightclubs where I was surrounded by drunk people, I grew up with an alcoholic mother, and had therefore been forced to become an adult faster, and when I was in the company of drunk people, I always thought of the pain I had experienced in my childhood, not only physical pain but also the psychological, it wasn't easy to have an alcoholic mother, because that was not something you would have others should know, and it had certainly been a reason why I hadn't had many close friends in my life. In 7 class I had become friends with Sebastian and Trish, a friendship that had lasted even after elementary school. I was happy for my friendship with them, and they were the only ones I had been honest about my mother's situation, since it even today was something I think was a taboo subject, and therefore wouldn't initiations others. But all this had done that I didn't find it easy to let other into my life, and the dream of a boyfriend would probably remain that, a dream. And I wasn't interested in any one-night stand and that was properly the only thing that mr. Angelios was interested in, so I wouldn't regret that I had fled from him. I would forget what had happened Saturday, and I would never see him again, so there was nothing that could remind me of it, I resolutely said to myself before I quickly made my morning routine, I made a sound when I discovered the hickey that mr. Angelios had left at my neck, still hadn't faded, and were fully exposed on my pale skin. I wasn't one who used much makeup not anything else then a little eye shadow and mascara, so I had nothing to cover it with. I quickly looked at the clock, but discovered that I was already late, so I didn't have time to buy any foundation to cover it before I went to work. With a groan I get into my car and drove towards the architectural firm where I worked as a secretary for mr. DiAngelo who was the CEO of the company, I have worked four years in the company, but it was only about 9 months ago that I had become the secretary for mr. DiAngelo. It was started as a temporary position when his secretary had broke her leg, but when she was ready to get back mr. DiAngelo agreed with mr. Mckee that I normally was secretary for, that mr. DiAngelo kept me as his secretary, and that McKee got Stella, mr. DiAngelo former secretary. I hadn't been entirely happy about this, especially because Stella didn't hide her anger over the situation. But when I told mr. DiAngelo about my reservations, he simply said that it was him who was boss, and therefore it was him who could move around on the staff as it suited him, and since he had had eight secretaries in the last 4 years, and I was the first one that he hadn't had any problems with to have around 24/7, he would keep me. And after some getting used to, I had been happy to work as his secretary since it was more challenging than my previous position had been since mr. DiAngelo often asked me for advice in any case he was in doubt. I therefore always went to work with joy. I had doubted about whether I could actually work as close to him, because when he looked at me with his greyish-blue eyes, there was something that stirred inside of me, his presence caused me to be conscious of my body and its responses. And although I now had learned to handle my reactions around him, there were still situations where I had to stop myself from touching him, but no matter how much I wanted to, I knew that I would never violating the border between boss and employee.