If I Lose Myself

Catalina

My mind was so far away that when I came back to the now, I realized that I was at my fort. Well, it wasn't a fort it was a cabin that I restored with the help of Sammy. No one comes out here anymore. This was my safe haven. This is where I came when everything got too much for me. My phone has been going off like crazy but I ignored it, instead, I drank liquor. I took the bottles from Tim and the more I drank it the more I started to break down.

I hated my life!

I put the bottle to my lips again and took a long drink. The dark content burned all the way down my throat. Putting it down I picked up a pack of cigarettes and lit one, I took them for Tim as well. What a son of a bitch! This was all his fault he just couldn't be happy with my mom. He had to be a sick bustard that got off on little kids, the thought made me shiver. I took a long drag holding in the smoke for a bit then blew it out I watched as the smoke dance in the air. It slowly disappeared, sometimes I wish I was smoke where I can just disappear. No matter how hard I fight the deeper I fall.

Maybe I was destined to die a teen?

No one would miss me, Hell I wouldn't even miss me. Look at me I'm a sobbing mess in an abandoned cabin! Looking down at the blade next to me I picked it up, at first, I was going to drag it down my legs. But Instead, I put it to my arm and dug it deep. Dark red blood started to pour out and to the floor and on my dress. Tears slowly fell down my cheeks as I watched it, dragging the blade a few more times. I picked up the bottle again and down the rest of the liquor. It was a good think I took more than one bottle from Tim.

Thank you, Tim, for being a drunk!

Grabbing the second bottle and opening it up then drinking a bit and took another hit from the cigarette. I leaned my head back on the wall where I was sitting, it had a good view of the sky. The stars were pretty out here and you can see them clear as day. I wish I could stay out here forever where no one can hurt me anymore. Finishing off the cigarette I put it in the empty bottle. I may be drunk but I'm not stupid. Just as I took another drink from the bottle I thought I heard the door open. Probably, Sammy, she is the only one who knows about this place.

"Jesus christ, Catalina." Okay, that is not Sammy.

I looked up at Bo not sure what to think, out of all the people who could have come. It had to be him? How did he know I was here in the first place, no one knows about this place. Then it hit me that it had to be Sammy. Oh well, there is nothing I can do about it now but I was not going to let him stop me. His eyes scanned over me it was clear he didn't like how I looked right now.

"I think we are done," He bent down in front of me. "Do you know how worried your dad is right now? He's got the whole fucking club looking for you."

I looked down at the floor feeling sad again. All I ever seem to do is mess everything up, I'm just a fucking burden. "No one told him to look for me." I slurred making Bo shake his head.

"You're wasted, giving me the bottle." He started reaching for it but I moved it away from him. He narrowed his eyes at me and tried again but I moved it again. "Cat, give me the bottle."

"No, I earned the right to be fucking drinking this! You're not going to stop me." I pushed off the wall and tried to walk away and that's when the bottle was taken from my hands.

I watched as Bo threw the bottle at the wall across the room where is broke. I looked at it feeling pissed off turning back to Bo and I pushed him back a bit. "You fucking asshole! You have no right to show up here and tell me how to run my life, you don't understand."

He crossed his arms over his chest making his muscle flex. It started a fire in my core, they were nice muscles. I shook my head at the thought. "I have every right when my club is out there looking for your drunken ass. I'm not here to tell you how to run your life, I'm here to make sure you get home safely."