If I Lose Myself

Catalina

I just finished my chemo and now I'm just relaxing in the room. The T.V was on and I had to laugh because it was SpongeBob. My guess is that a kid had this room before I did. Adjusting the bed in hopes to get some sleep before I go home, even though I wanted to talk about the surgery, I wanted some sleep. Bo wanted to be here today but he had school, I told him that he had to go. I was hoping Titus would stop by because I wanted to talk to him but me being me, I forgot my phone at home. My dad promised me he would bring it later when he got off work.

I finally sucked it up and asked what he did for a living and I was glad I did. He worked at a bike shop fixing bikes and occasionally some cars. A knock at the door brought me out my head, Dr. Hill poked his head in giving me a smile in which I returned. He came in closing the door and then took a seat next to my bed, he looked up at the T.V with amusement and I just shrugged.

"How are you feeling this morning?" He asked taking his notepad out.

Thinking over my answer I gave a smile. "I feel great, well apart from being a little tired."

He raised his eyebrow a bit and wrote it down. "You seem very happy this morning. Did something happened?"

"Yes! In fact, I'm better than okay." I started sitting up in the bed. "I finally decided that it is time for me let go of my past and move forward."

"What brought this on? Just the other day you were..." He stopped to think of the right word. "You were dwelling on the past, haunted by what had happened while you were in the care of your mother."

Giving a small nod it was true but I didn't want to be haunted by them anymore. "Tim showed up yesterday while Bo and I were out. It scared me and I wanted to run, to run far away from him." Shaking my head I looked up at the T.V. "But when Bo put himself in front of me and stood his ground, I felt safe. While Tim wasn't paying attention I called Titus." A small smile tugged on my lips thinking about how they all showed up to help.

"My dad, Titus, Power, Corvette, and many more showed up to protect me. To protect us. And that's when it hit me." Finally looking back to Dr. Hill he started to blur. "As long as I have my dad, Bo, and the Club. I have nothing to be afraid of because they are my family."

It was quite for a few minutes my guess it Dr. Hill is trying to wrap his head around the new me. Before I was a shy girl not wanting to talk about what has happened to me in the past, now I am saying that he no longer matters and that chapter of my life was long gone. "This is a big improvement and I have to say you have come a long way from when we first met."

"I want to go back to school as well and umm...I decided to go through with the operation."

This jump started a whole new conversation and we had actually talked about a lot. We talked for hours and before I knew it my dad stopped by for his lunch break and was going to take the rest of the day off. My dad talked to Dr. Hill about my improvement and to say he was relieved was an understatement. He was thankful that it was helping just by talking with Dr. Hill, even after I get over this rocky path, I am still coming see him when needed. I was glad my life was taking a turn for the better.

~

"Okay, I just need you to sign here, here and here." The principle told my dad and me. After we left the hospital my dad brought us straight here to register me back in school.

Last week we had got all my transcripts from my home school teacher. I was partially jumping in my seat because I was so ready to jump back into school! A couple months ago I would have never even think about this day. But now. Now I was ready to take the world by the horns...well not head on just yet but it's a start and I was willing to try and see where it takes me. I signed the papers saying I will follow the school rules and dress code and other things. Giving a smile I handed them back making my dad chuckle.