If I Lose Myself

Catalina

"How long has she been asleep?"

As I started to come around the throbbing pain in my lower stomach hit me hard. I opened my eyes to see that Cam was in the room sitting at the computer desk. He was facing the T.V as they were playing video games. The pain started to get worse so I shut my eyes willing it to go away.

"Ever since the morning, she was up but then crashed again." Bo said, then cursed when an explosion went off.

"Is she sick?" Cam asked while laughing at Bo's outburst.

Something crossed my mind when Cam asked if I was sick. The last time I had this pain was when I had...no, it can't be. I've been clear for five years, there was no way it could have come back. They caught it early. They said I had ovarian cancer but we caught it in time. I had an operation where they removed my left ovary, I've been in remission for four years! Tears slipped from my closed eyes as the pain stayed. I curled myself into the fetal positions to stop myself from crying out in pain.

"She was fine this morning, she was up and talking," Bo said, laughing this time at the explosion.

"Are you sure man? Because the way she is laying down right now doesn't look to good." I shut my eyes tighter when I heard the game pause.

I silently cry and gripped the blankets more and tried to curl more into a ball. Why is this happing to me? "Babe, what's wrong?" I pretended to be asleep, I did not want to explain this to them at least not right now.

There were no signs of this coming back. I was in clear at the last cheek up, which was a few months before I decided to make a run for it. They didn't tell me anything was wrong. I felt Bo rub my back calming me down a bit. "I'm fine," I whispered. "I'm just cramping."

"No offense, Catalina. But that's gross." I gave a half heart laugh.

"Do you need anything?" Bo asked still rubbing my back. "I can get you some pain killers?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm going to take a hot shower." throwing the blanket off I trudged down to the bathroom.

I was glad that I had my phone in my pocket. I need to get to the hospital but I don't want my dad or any of them to know. At least not yet, I found Sammy's number and called her. She didn't pick up right away, making me roll my eyes, she always did this.

"Hey what's up?" her voice chirped.

"I need to go to the hospital. I want you to come with me Sammy, make up some lie that we are just going to hang out." I turned the water on to hide my voice, Power has an ear for catching shit.

"What are you talking about Lina? What wrong?"

"I think it's back." Silence came over us. It was no doubt she was trying to come to terms with this as I was.

"But you have been clear for four years! Is this even possible?"

"I know." My voice broke. "I'm scared Sammy, I can't do this again."

I leaned my back on the door and fell to the floor. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at the wall in front of me. This was one fucked up life and there was nothing I could do about it. How am I going to survive this again? It almost killed me the first time.

"Okay, Okay. Be ready in an hour, I'll swing by and pick you and we can go." I heard shuffling on her end. "I'm guessing you are at Bo?"

"Yeah, my dad is out of town on a run."

"Okay, so is Jac. My mom won't ask any questions." She paused for second. "do you want her to come with us? She was a big help the first time." Did I want her mom to know this time? No, I didn't.