Where Promises Must Glide

29 - Juliette/Theo

My body ached when I woke up.

I felt as though I had a headache, and my feet died. I think my toes fell off from how numb they are. My shin hurt after falling on it. Along with falling on my knee, and my shoulder, and I think at one point I twisted my ankle twice.

A part of me still wonders how I ended up at the gym seconds later. How did I not pass out in the gym?

"Good morning, princess," Theo says lightly walking into the room. He had a tray full of food, I don't think I used this tray since I got surgery and needed to stay in bed for weeks.

"You didn't need to," I tell him, feeling guilty. He had done so much already, and I wondered if I was giving him enough in return. But I thought this with everyone, I felt as though I needed to give so much to earn someone's love. It's unhealthy, but you build toxic habits and mindsets when you get heartbroken.

Theo let me get comfortable before he laid the tray on both sides of my legs. It had an array of everything. Bacon, yogurt, fruit, and my favorite; a breakfast burrito with extra hot sauce. I rarely ate breakfast burritos lately because of training. But I have about two days to make up for it,

"I also got you vitamin water and those supplements you take every morning," he says, pointing out the deep purple liquid and colorful array of pills.

I take the pills while drowning them with the vitamin water. He even filled up my gallon water bottle, which caused a smile. The thing I love about him is how he always pays attention to the little things. I don't even know how he remembered me loving breakfast burritos if I haven't had one in months.

"Thank you so much, Theo," I mutter, embarrassed how much I'm blushing under his gaze. He kissed my forehead, before I scooted a little making room for him. My bed was a king size bed, so it had enough room for about ten people.

He took the memo and sat by me, snatching a piece of my bacon, taking one bite to encourage me to eat. I picked but the burrito, taking a bite and practically moaning at how good it was. My stomach begged for more, so everything was gone in seconds.

When I looked down to notice that half of the burrito was gone, I felt guilty.

I shouldn't have ate that much. If I work out just a little extra I will be able to, . . start over? Three eggs, I hope two. Was there five pieces of bacon in there. Is it fat or calorie's that bacon had a lot of? Oh what oil did he cook the food in. Please tell me it was the zero calorie stick free.

"I know how you look when your brain is working," Theo interrupted. "What are you thinking of?" I began to bite my nail, feeling anxious. Sometimes I wish everything was different, that no matter what I did I would not be like this. But I can't change it, and I feel trapped.

Theo drew circled on my shoulder with his thumb. "Talk to me, Juliette. I'm here to talk to, to vent to. I want to be your person, and I don't know if I made that clear in the past, but I do."

"It's not important," I whisper.

"You are important, so whatever it is, is important."

I sigh. "I've struggled with eating disorders for years, it's been on and off, and it get triggered easily. I'm working on recovering, I try seeing a therapist as much as possible, but it's hard with work and Ophelia. But after yesterday, I realized it might be impossible to fix because I've lived longer with an eating disorder than without."

I was staring at my food the entire time, scared if I look at Theo I'd just not be able to compose myself,

"I'm scared Ophelia will end up like me," and there it is, my biggest fear. "I want her do sports and activities like I did, but I worry she will end up like me. I endured so much shit to keep my career, just for the end of it to be threatened whenever possible. Ophelia can't grow up seeing me suffer because she will turn out like me."