Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

7. You Never Know Unless You Try

October 7th, 1983

-

Kirk's Point of View

Since the night I stayed with her, I can't shake the thought that I needed to do something soon. I know I wanted to take my time, but I don't know how much longer I can hold myself back from giving her everything I have.

I didn't know how though, or even if it was a good idea for that matter.

I finally decided to talk to the guys about it, which meant I had to confess my feelings for her out-loud to them. Something I hadn't even done to myself yet, primarily because I wasn't really sure what it was that I felt towards her.

It was definitely something, no denying that. What the thing was though, I'm not sure in the slightest.

I sighed as I got out of my car, walking into James's apartment, dragging my guitar case behind me.

I heard the sound of loud laughing downstairs, I made my way down the stairs, Seeing Cliff, Lars and James sitting around all drinking beers.

"Hey man!" James exclaimed happily, waving me over.

"Hey." I sighed giving a forced smile, as I set my shit down.

"What's the fucks wrong with you, man?" Lars asked loudly, taking a drink of his beer.

I partially felt embarrassed to tell them, I kinda felt like they'd all start laughing at me because of it. Maybe not Cliff but the other two probably would.

I just shrugged and started taking my guitar out of its case.

James reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me over to sit down with them as he handed me a beer.

"Seriously man, what's up?" James questioned looking concerned.

I sighed, taking a huge drink of the beer James had handed to me, wiping my wrist across my mouth after.

"Girl problems." Was all I managed to grumble out.

"Uh-oh." Lars chuckled taking another sip of his beer.

Cliff's eyes widened and he choked on his beer, as he slowly turned to face me. I had a feeling just by his reaction that he knew exactly who I was referring to.

"How longs this shit been going on for?" James chuckled, throwing his arm around my shoulder lightly shaking me.

I swallowed hard, looking at Cliff, who was still wide-eyedly staring at me. Silently begging me to not say what he was thinking.

I sighed looking down at the floor, propping my elbow on my knee, and holding my head in my hand.

"Like two months." I quietly mumbled.

They all three stared at each other silently. James's mouth falling into an "o" shape, darting to look at Cliff.

Cliff lifted himself off the couch, standing up straight, grabbing 3-4 beers. "I'm outta here." He said lightly chuckling as he walked upstairs.

We all waited for Cliff to walk all the way upstairs and shut the basement door.

Once we heard the door click, James turned his gaze to Lars smirking. "I called it dickhead, you owe me 20." He said snickering.

"You fucker!" Lars exclaimed, slamming his empty beer bottle in the counter.

I stared at them both, confused for a moment.

"I bet him 20 bucks that you and Hailey had a thing going on." James said proudly.

I face palmed and shook my head to myself. "We don't have a thing going on, dude." I sighed.

"HA!" Lars shouted, jumping out of his seat pointing at James.

"Guys seriously?" I raised my voice frustratedly, then putting my head in my hands.

"Sorry man," James said apologetically. "So what's going on then? Is it not actually Hailey?" He questioned.

"No it is, but I don't know what's going on that's the thing." I said looking at him.

"What do you mean?" James raised an eyebrow at me.

"I don't know what's happening with her, or even how I feel about her." I said, sighing frustratedly.

"You don't know how you feel about the girl." James repeatedly slowly, look at me like I'm stupid.

"No I don't!" I raised my voice again as the irritation in me grew. "I feel something but I don't know what the fuck it is or what to do about it!"

I chugged down the rest of my beer, I knew they were gonna sit here and give me shit about it. I really don't feel like being scolded as if I'm a child right now.

"Kirk look man," James sighed. "Do you wanna be with her? Like seriously."

I sat for a moment trying to muster up the courage to say what I've yet to admit out-loud, "Yea.. I do." I said quietly.

"Holy shit Hailey's ditchin' the ginger junkie!" Lars threw his head back laughing hysterically.

James reached over, and smacked him upside the head.

"Ow!" Lars groaned.

"Shut the fuck up man." James said through clenched teeth.

I sat there momentarily, trying to pick apart what they were talking about until it finally hit me.

She was dating Dave fucking Mustaine before. I don't know how the fuck I didn't put that together before. She doesn't really seem like the type to date that asshole, she's too sweet.

"Dave? Really?" I sighed looking back and forth between James and Lars.

They both shrugged and nodded slowly.

"They we're together for almost a year, dumped him cause' he wouldn't go to rehab." James said swirling the beer he had left in his can.

My thoughts started to run wild, and any confidence I had for this whole thing was gone the second Dave came in the picture.

"It's been over for a while now man, so it's not anything to worry about." James said putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, til' he sobers up and she goes crawling back to him." Lars scoffed humorously.

"For fucks sake, just stop talking." James snapped, glaring daggers at him.

"I don't know man, maybe it's not a good idea then." I said with any hope I had vanished.

"Kirk I'm just messing with ya' man. I think you should go for it if you really wanna." Lars said as he got up grabbing another beer.

"Yeah man, you're never gonna know if you don't try it y'know?" James said trying to reassure me.

"I guess you're right, but what if she's just not even interested in me?" I questioned. "with my luck she's probably just gonna see me as a friend." I scoffed to myself.

"I'm more than positive that she does, I know how she gets. I mean I saw it with Dave." James stated.

I felt a bit better about going for it after talking to them about it, yet I felt tremendously guilty cause' I still didn't really know how I felt about her.

After a few moments I went upstairs to get Cliff so he knew it was safe to come back down, and we started working on the album.