Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

33. Hopelessly Devoted

October 31st, 1985

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I was in the kitchen, mindlessly making some spaghetti as I was waiting for Kirk to come home from practice.

I finally moved out of Cliff's place, and Kirk and I bought an apartment together. I was a little nervous about us living together at first. I partially thought that he'd end up getting sick of me, but time and time again he made me realize that it was only my paranoia getting the best of me.

The past year has been better than I could ever ask for. After feeling lost for so long, things finally feel like they've finally fallen into place, I'm finally happy.

Things with Kirk have been amazing too. As weird as it may sound, I think we needed to lose each-other to truly realize how much we needed one another. If that makes sense in anyway.

I honestly cant picture my life without him, he's my everything and I love him with every fiber of my being. He's there for me through thick and thin, and he supports me in every possible way.

I've said it countless times, but he's truly all I could ever ask for, he's the most kind-hearted, amazing bc person I've ever met.

Call me fucking corny but if soulmates exist, he's mine without a doubt in my mind.

A few months after Kirk and I had gotten back together, Dave had called a few times. In almost every single call he was drunk off his ass, saying the same shit he did a year ago, only now I knew it wasn't true.

The last time we spoke was different though, it was around christmas of last year. I picked up the phone and heard sobbing on the other end, I shortly noticed it was Dave and I felt my stomach twist unsettlingly.

It was the first time since I had been on tour with him, that he'd spoken to me sober. He was just apologizing for a while, in detail about everything, then saying he could try to be better, amongst other things.

I just sat and listened while he sobbed through the phone, Kirk was hovering over me just in case, rubbing my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.

Once he was done speaking I just had to be honest with him. It just wasn't meant to work out between Dave and I, not in this life. Maybe somewhere else, but here I was happiest with Kirk and I knew that.

I told him that I was finally happy, that I no longer needed to drown myself in drugs or alcohol to feel a sliver of something. I also told him that I'll always want whatever is the best for him, and right now he needs to focus on getting sober.

Not long after that we exchanged a few more words, followed by our goodbyes. Mine being rushed, while his was hesitant. Since then I haven't heard a single word from Dave himself.

The last I heard from Junior, Dave had finally gone to rehab, and that was back around February. So I'm not quite sure where he is now, or if he's still in rehab.

I felt my heart break a little during all of this, no matter what I'll always have a special place in my heart for Dave. He was my first love. Hell, he was my first everything, and nothing can really change that. However, that love simply wasn't anything compared for the love I felt for Kirk.

I continued stirring the pot of boiling noodles that sat in-front of me, when I felt two arms gently snake around my waist. I almost immediately knew it was Kirk.

"Whatcha makin'?" He asked sweetly, gently kissing my cheek, as he laid his head in the crook of my neck.

"Spaghetti!" I replied cheerfully.

Although we ate it fairly often, it was my favorite food of all time.

Kirk hummed quietly in satisfaction, beginning to plant tender kisses on my neck. He squeezed me slightly tighter as he did so.