Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

25. Hittin' The Road

A/N - I finally brought myself to try n sorta write smut, so mini warning for that?

July 19th, 1984

-

I've finally managed to break away from my addiction, for the most part. I'll crave it every now and then, but I've stayed clean since my overdose.

I've mainly managed to distract myself from it by becoming a pretty heavy weed smoker, but weed never fucking hurt anyone.

I know I shouldn't necessarily be slamming myself with more substances, but hey, whatever keeps me off the heavy shit right?

I haven't heard anymore from Kirk either, I know he's busy finishing up his last few shows. I know I shouldn't, but I was hoping that maybe he'd call again.

Dave and I made up from our fight, and by that I mean we totally angry make-up fucked. We never actually talked it out, but it still works though, am I right?

I mean I needed it, I was in a sex withdrawal if that even a thing. Kirk and I never did anything so, the last time was before Dave and I broke up. I'm not gonna lie, I felt super guilty during and after, but Kirk and I aren't together anymore so I guess there's really no reason to.

Dave wasn't exactly thrilled that I became a total pothead, but he smokes almost as much, if not more weed than I do, so he can't really be that mad. Plus, it's better than me just dying on the spot from shooting up I suppose.

The longer I stayed partially sober, the more guilty I felt about this thing going on with Dave. After I talked to Kirk on the phone, I couldn't help but feel like there was more going on than I had originally thought there to be.

I was still, undeniably, hopelessly, and indefinitely still in love with Kirk. No amount of drugs, alcohol, other boyfriends, or guitar playing, could strip me from that. It never went away. I feel the same way about him, if not stronger, that I did when we were together.

I'm trying to focus on whatever is going on with Dave, I prayed to the god above that Dave and I would get a second shot one day, and now I have that. Don't get me wrong, I love Dave, but nowhere near how much I love Kirk.

I just had to try and let him go, and focus on what's right in-front of me.

I sat on the living room couch, flipping through a magazine, when I felt two hands brace themselves on my shoulders. I tilted my head back to see Dave smiling at me, before he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Sup trouble." He smirked, as he came and sat down next to me.

'Trouble' is my new little nickname he gave me, after my little 'incident'. Why? I have no clue, but I can't say I really mind it.

"Hi." I smiled at him, setting down my magazine facing down.

He raised an eyebrow at me, and leaned over to pick up the magazine.

"Metallica, seriously?" He questioned, pressing him lips into a thin line.

I smiled sheepishly at him, and shrugged.

"I'm just gonna pretend you were curious about James or your brother." He let out a light-hearted laugh, setting down the magazine, and firmly pressing his lips on mine.

His kisses started getting hungrier, and sloppier. He pushed me down flat on my back, now hovering overtop of me as we made out on the couch.

Of all places, he has to pick the fucking couch.

Our breathing got heavier, as he started to trail his kisses down to my neck. He definitely left a hickey or two, or five.

He temporarily broke off the kiss, quickly slipping his shirt of over his head, along with his pants. I shortly followed doing the same thing. We were both left in just our underwear.

He slammed his lips back against mine, hungrily, and tenderly kissing me, and trailing them down my body.

Soon enough the only barrier of clothes that was separating us, were ripped off and thrown into scattered piles on the floor.

-

I laid on top of Dave, our naked bodies now sticky with sweat, and our heavy breathing finally starting to steady.

He gently played with my hair, running his fingers through it mindlessly.

He took a deep breath, "Y'know I love you, right?"

I instantly shot up, and looked at him.

"What?" I questioned, quietly.

"I love you," He shrugged. "I always have."

My mouth hung open, dumbfounded.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I mumbled, frowning at him slightly.

I felt a wave of guilt wash over me, I never knew he loved me. I just assumed he never did, I mean he never said it. Yet now here I was hopelessly in love with another man.

Like I said before, I did love Dave. However it had faded over the time I had been with Kirk, and I didn't love him, even in the ballpark of how much I loved Kirk.

I had to say it back, I couldn't just leave him hanging on it like that. I knew how it felt, and it was the shittiest feeling ever.

"I love you too." I smiled softly at him.

He smiled back at me, and pulled me down, planting another hungry kiss on my lips.

"We're going on tour." He said abruptly.

I just stared at him blankly, I could not go through this again.

"Before you say shit," He started. "and stop looking at me like that." He paused again.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I just don't wanna have to go through that whole thing again, y'know." I laid my head back down against his chest.

"I know, I know. That's why I want you to come with me." He stated, as his fingers found their way back into my hair.

"What? Really?" I questioned, tilting my head up at him.

"Mhm, I think it'd be good for us. We've been arguing a lot, and there's a lot of tension. So y'know we'd get to kind of get away for a while. I mean of course I'd have to do shows, but that's only a little bit of the time we'd be spending in those places." He said, looking down at me.

"I guess you have a point." I shrugged.

"So, will you go with me?" He raised his eyebrows at me, awaiting an answer.

I hummed in response, gently kissing his jaw.

"When are we leaving?" I asked, twirling a soft, ginger curl around my finger.

"Next week." He responded.

Fuck.

What about Kirk?