Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

12. Self Sabotage

November 22nd, 1983

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I sat on that same beat-up, red leather couch, as I admirably watched the guys rehearse the songs for the new album.

I was mainly watching Kirk, to be honest I was practically eating him with my eyes the whole time.

God it's almost been a month, and I still can't believe he's actually my boyfriend. Everything is going so well with him too. Kirk is absolutely everything I've ever pleaded for, to have in a guy.

Honestly it almost feels too good to be true. In my entire lifetime, nothing good has ever stayed with me. Everything that I love always somehow ends up getting taken from me, it happened with Dave, and I'm absolutely fucking petrified that the same thing will happen with Kirk.

Every morning when I wake up, I jolt upright just to make sure that he's still in bed next to me. Im mortified that one day I'll wake up out of this dream, and into a nightmarish reality where he's no longer there.

I know it's horrible to think like that. Especially when he's never given me any reason to suspect that he'd leave, but every time anything goes too perfectly, for too long, I start to self sabotage. I'm trying not too, but my overthinking trumps everything else in my head most of the time.

I heard the music, that was once filling the background, abruptly stop playing. I shook my previous thoughts away, and looked over to see Kirk walking towards me.

He flopped down next to me on the couch, smiling at me sweetly, before gently pressing his lips against mine. I leaned into his side, as he wrapped an arm around me.

"How'd I do?" He smiled down at me.

"Amazing." I said softly.

I looked up at him. Admiring his facial features, he's so fucking gorgeous, I still can't get over it.

His big brown eyes, his tanned skin, his nose, his messy dark curly hair, every inch of him was utter perfection. I don't understand how I actually managed to get him.

He gently kissed me again, before leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"Wanna get outta here? We're not planning on doing much else for the album tonight." He questioned lowly.

The tone in his voice sent chills all the way down my spine. That was fucking new. I don't know if that was intentional, but that was fucking hot.

"We can head to my house? We can watch a movie or something." I smiled at him.

He hummed cheerfully in response. He lifted himself off the couch, then offered his hand to help me up.

He yanked me forward, causing me to slam into him. He smirked at me before he started repeatedly kissing my face.

God he likes kissing. Not that I don't like it, because I definitely do. Again it's just something I'm not used to.

"God, can you two fucking get a room." Lars scoffed.

"Seriously." Cliff said as fake gagged .

"I think it's sweet!" James exclaimed, taking a sip of his beer.

"Maybe it's sweet, but I don't wanna watch my sister get her face sucked off." Cliff scrunched his face with disgust.

Kirk and I just smiled and shook our heads.

Cliffs always been protective I guess. Especially after the whole Dave thing. I know for the most he's messing around, deep down he's happy for me. I don't really blame him for being grossed out either, I hate seeing him and Corinne sucking each others faces off.