Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

9. Silent Treatment

October 16th, 1983

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The band decided to all go out to dinner together tonight. Lars and James had brought their girlfriends along, as well as Cliff bringing Corinne and I.

James's girlfriend was super sweet, Lars's on the other hand was a total bitch, but I just ignored her to the best of my ability.

I had on a tight black dress, and my hair was roller-curled.

I sat in between, James and Cliff. Kirk was sitting across from me. As soon as he saw me he sat in-between Lars and James's girlfriend. He hadn't said a word to me either. I felt a tinge of pain surge through my chest.

I wanted to think that maybe something had just been going on, or maybe he was sick. He looked like he had just seen a ghost.

I sighed and zoned out, basking in my own thoughts for a while. At some point I heard loud noise, and eventually decided to make conversation with James.

Seeing as Cliff and Corinne were talking already, and James's girlfriend had decided to leave at some point since she wasn't feeling well.

James nudged my shoulder, and leaned down so that he could whisper into my ear.

"What's up with Hammett?" He questioned.

I shrugged hopelessly. "I don't know. He's barely talked to me in the past week." I replied, keeping my voice low.

James frowned at me, then quickly glanced at Kirk.

"Did something happen?" He looked at me with his brows furrowed in concern.

"Not that I'm aware of." I sighed.

James lazily threw his arm over my shoulders, giving me a side hug.

I swear I saw Kirk glare at him momentarily, out of the corner of my eye. When I looked back over to him though, he was still staring at the floor.

James had always been like an older brother to me, him and Lars. Along with Cliff and his parents, they were like my family.

"I'm sorry kid." James said sympathetically, rubbing my arm.

"Y'know, I'm starting to feel like maybe he was leading me on. That or there was never anything there between him and I in the first place. Maybe he just got bored and wanted to start getting a taste of the rockstar life. Y'know leading girls on, and I was just an easily accessible target." I mumbled.

James deeply frowned at me again.

"He truly is a good guy Hailey, I don't think he'd do that. Maybe he's just trying to figure some stuff out." James said in attempt to reassure me.

My whole life, I've never had a guy actually stick around with me. They all either use me, or just quickly get bored. I just expected Kirk to leave at this point, cause ' as I said before, if you expect disappointment, you won't be disappointed.

I was honestly starting to think I was unlovable. In a girlfriend type of way at-least. Hell, Dave chose fucking drugs over me. I didn't know I was that unbearable.

I had friends and family who loved me, but that's not exactly the same. However, I appreciate them nonetheless.

We got our food and for the most part I remained silent for the rest of dinner. James would check on me every so often, but I just shrugged in response.

I took a few bites of my food but after 3-4 I just couldn't bring myself to eat anymore, I had lost my appetite.

Maybe I was overreacting, but honestly I'm just tired of feeling unlovable. Feeling like there's something so wrong with me, that nobody could ever stick around long enough for someone to genuinely love and care about me, more than just being a friend.

Ever since I was little I had craved the feeling, my parents never actually loved me they just put up with me because they had to.

Call it stupid if you want but that's the best way I could explain it.

I heard a loud clank of dishes hitting each other, and it was enough to snap me out of my thoughts.

I took a deep breath, and ran my hand through my hair, before leaning my head on James's shoulder.

"I think I'm gonna head home." I mumbled to James.

He gave me one last firm side hug, before removing his arm from my shoulders. With that I walked out of the restaurant, driving back home.

However Kirks behavior wasn't leaving my mind.

God was I really that terrible?