Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

30. Too Late For Love

September 18th, 1984

-

The high-pitched, blaring sound of my alarm clock echoed through my room. I lazily slammed my hand around on my nightstand, until I finally managed to hit the button to turn the alarm off.

I groaned, slowly sitting up, and rubbing my eyes. I sighed heavily, not wanting to leave from the comfort of my bed.

I haven't spoken to Kirk since the other day. Part of me wished he would call, just so I could hear his voice, but I know him and he's only trying to respect my wish for space.

I got up, and decided to go downstairs to make myself from coffee. I wasn't really a morning person, so I typically need coffee to wake myself up.

That or booze.

I sat on the couch, mindlessly watching TV, as the soft morning light seeped in through the windows. The smell of the coffee brewing, consuming the air in the small apartment. It was a small moment, where for the first time in god knows how long, I felt at peace.

I flipped through a few channels, until I decided none of which were interesting me. So I eventually just settled, putting on the news for some background noise.

I went and poured my coffee into a mug, then sat back down on the couch.

I absent mindedly watched the news, sipping on my coffee. I enjoying the overwhelming feeling of peace that I had, until about an hour later when the phone rang.

I groaned in irritation as I removed myself from the couch, and walking over to the phone that hung from the kitchen wall.

I hesitated to pick up the phone, I partially contemplated on just letting it ring all the way through.

I finally let out an irritated sigh, and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I questioned, trying my best not to sound like a total bitch.

"Hailey..." It was Junior, he muttered my name into the phone trailing off.

Junior calling was extremely weird, but I tried to shrug it off the best I could. Seeing as Junior and I were friends.

"Junior, is everything okay?" I asked hesitantly, I was beginning to get a bad feeling about this.

"Hailey, can you please talk shit out with Dave? He went fucking insane after you left, we don't know what to do." He spoke lowly.

There it fucking was.

"Junior I can't. I'm done, I'm sorry." I mumbled guiltily.

Before Junior could say anything else, I heard loud shouting in the background. I immediately knew who it was, and shortly after I heard the sound of the phone being fought over.

"Hailey, babe I'm sorry." Dave voice slurred drunkenly.

I couldn't do this, I just couldn't.

"I love you, you know that. C'mon please I didn't mean it!" He exclaimed, his words blending into one another.

"Dave, no it's too late for that." I stated sternly, trying my best to choke back tears.

"Fuck you! You're just gonna crawl your way back to that fucking cunt of an ex-boyfriend of yours." He scoffed.

I was at a loss for words.

"Don't forget that I was the one there for you, after he fuckin' left your ass. No wonder he fuckin' left you, you're a selfish bitch. He never fuckin' loved you like I do. Hell, he probably didn't love you at all if he couldn't even fuckin' say it." He slurred, as his voice rose more and more.

I wanted to speak, but I couldn't. His words were like daggers going straight through my heart. All I could do was cry.

I moved the phone away from my ear. I could still hear Dave's inaudible cursing, as I slid against the wall.

After a while he hung up the phone once he realized I wasn't going to speak.

I couldn't handle myself in that moment, I was hurt by the reality slap in the face.

Dave was right in a way, Kirk had never necessarily made it clear that he loved me, so he very well may not have. He could very well only want to be friends with me now, and I mentally couldn't handle that.

I was overwhelmed by sorrow, and some self pity in this moment. So I did the only thing I knew how to do,

I went to the fucking bar.

-

I ended up being at the bar for 90% of the day. So to say I was completely shit-faced, would be an extreme understatement.

I'm honestly surprised I didn't die from alcohol poisoning on the spot.

I was downing anything and everything that anyone handed me. Shots, beer, random mixed drinks.

I didn't care.

Sue me for being dramatic, but drinking had become my only known way of dealing with myself.

I think I came to the bar around 2 pm, after I was done wallowing in my own self pity. It was around 8 now, and I was so fucked up I couldn't even remember my own name.

I went to take another shot, when I felt someone's hand gently grab my arm.

I looked up from the bar counter, for my eyes to be met with Kirk's concerned filled ones.

He was talking to me, I could hear his voice, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he was saying.

I was fucked up beyond that time I'd went drinking with Marty and Nick.

Kirk helped me up out of my seat, wrapping an arm around my waist to help me walk. He lead me out the doors of the bar I'd spent my day at and into his car.

The last thing I remember is seeing him look over at me a few times during the drive, his face consumed with concern. After that, I'm more than sure I blacked out somewhere along the way.

Id be lying if I said I wasn't embarrassed. Kirk is the last person on earth I'd want to see me like that. At the same time though, I'm glad it was him then found me, and not someone else.

I didn't have to worry about Kirk screaming at me over it, he may be a little disappointed but I don't think he'd go out of his way to shame me over it.

The embarrassed part of me was more or so hoping he'd just drop me off, and never speak of it again.

He's never seen me like that, ever. Hell, I hardly even drank when we were together. Something about what happened with Dave just made me sick to my stomach, every bad feeling you could ever possibly get, I felt after that conversation.

I didn't know what to do, part of me felt like he was right. Yet the other felt that he couldn't have been more wrong.

However, despite everything, I still loved Kirk with every fiber of my being. It just never went away, if anything it felt stronger.

So, I pray to whatever god that's above, from the bottom of my heart, that Dave's wrong.