Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

21. Why Didn't You Tell Me?

June 13th, 1984

-

I sat in the studio, high out of my mind. The guys were recording their last few songs so they could release the album this weekend.

The sound of heavy guitar riffs, and loud drums, were all muffled to me. I didn't even feel real, nor did anything around me seem real. I kept a pair of sunglasses on in poor attempt to hide my reddened eyes.

Honestly it's a miracle Dave hasn't found out by now, granted I've tried to avoid him more. I've been staying home when he goes to the studio. He thinks I'm totally over the Kirk thing, which honestly I never will be, but he trusts me enough to stay home now so whatever.

He wanted me to come in today, since it was the last day they'd be recording. I just quietly laid on the couch, barely able to maintain consciousness. Dave would glance over at me with a worried look on his face every few seconds, but I was too far gone to actually process it.

Heroin just made the numbing empty feeling melt away, I felt more and more alive every time I shot up. Not in the sense that I felt invincible, but it felt euphoric. I could just lay there, and not feel like an empty void.

I heard someone talking, but I couldn't understand a single word being said.

I just stared at the seemingly spinning ceiling, quietly giggling to myself.

-

Dave's Point of View

Something wasn't right, she was acting far from herself. I had been sitting here saying her name for the past 5 minutes, but all she did was giggle at the ceiling. She just lied there, the whole time, sunglasses on her face, and barely even moving.

I'm not fucking stupid, I know all too well that drinking doesn't do that to you. I didn't wanna except it, but I knew she was on something. What that was I don't know.

I sighed frustratedly, I was pissed off to say the least. I don't know why she'd go off and do this shit, I don't know how long it's been going on for either.

As much as I wanted to, I knew yelling at her wasn't gonna solve shit. I was only mad 'cause I care. I have a feelings it's related to that curly-headed twat, and that pisses me off even more. Call me fucking jealous, but I don't fucking get why she can't just let him the fuck go already.

"Junior." I said lowly, trying to contain my anger.

"Yeah, man?" He responded, looking up from his bass.

"Take her upstairs for me." I nodded my head in Hailey's direction.

"Why?" He questioned, raising a brow at me.

"Just fucking do it!" I snapped, he was testing my fucking patience right now.

"Fuck! Alright asshole!" He shouted, tossing his bass lightly to the floor.

He walked over to Hailey, and said something to her. Then grabbing her arm to help her up, and leading her up the stairs.

I set my guitar down, and quickly ran over to her bag. I rummaged through it for a moment, before finding needles, a spoon, a lighter, and a bag of smack all in her fucking bag. I frowned to myself, I would've rather found any other fucking drug in here. The fact that she was shooting up, broke my heart.

I shoved all of her shit into the pocket of my jean jacket, and walked back over to my guitar. I was gonna have to talk to her about this later.

"Alright let's go back downstairs!" Junior yelled obnoxiously from the top of the stairs.

I rolled my eyes and re-tuned my guitar. I watched as Junior help her sit back down on the couch, and I let out a heavy sigh.

Junior walked back over to me, picking up his bass and sitting down.

"What the fuck is up with her, dude?" He questioned quietly.

"She's shooting up." I replied bluntly.

"What?" His brows furrowed in concern, then he heavily sighed. "Are you okay, man?"

I hummed in response, "Let's just get this shit done." I mumbled.

He only nodded, and we continued to finish recording our last few songs.

Once we wrapped it up, the guys talked about going out drinking to celebrate. As much as I wanted to I knew I had to confront Hailey, which wasn't gonna be an easy conversation. I was bound to lose my shit at some point.

I sighed and walked over to Hailey, nudging her shoulder. She slowly sat up, and looked at me through her sunglasses.

"Let's go." I stated bluntly, holding out my hand to help her up.

She weakly grabbed my hand, and stumbled off the couch. I clenched my jaw, and walked her to the car.

The car ride was silent, she dopily laid her head in the rolled-down window letting the air blow in her face.

-

We got into my house, she stumbled through the door before I did. I slammed the door behind me and walked in-front of her pointing at the couch.

"Hailey, we need to talk." I snapped.

She swallowed hard and sat down on the couch, looking down at the floor.

I sighed and sat down next to her, I took her sunglasses off and stared into her glossed-over redend eyes.

The sight of her like this made my heart sink a little. Sure I was mad, but only because I care about her, and I don't want her to get as bad as I ever did.

I pulled the bag of smack out my pocket and held it up, she looked at me then back at the floor.

"Hailey," I sighed softly. "What's going on?"

Tears flooded her eyes and she looked up at me, "I'm so sorry Dave," She sobbed, putting her head in her hands. "I was just so tired of feeling empty, so tired of thinking about him. It was the only fucking thing taking those feelings away."

"You could've talked to me." I said rubbing her back.

"You hate when I talk about him Dave!" She raised her voice, her tear stained face now looking at me.

"Because I can't stand hearing his name leave your mouth, but I would rather you talk about him, than fucking shoot up Hailey!" I shouted, swiftly getting up the couch.

"I'm fucking sorry, okay?" She shouted back, more tears streaming down her face.

I frustratedly sighed, and tan both my hands through my hair, before sitting back down next to her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I questioned quietly, looking at her.

"I didn't want this to fucking happen." She mumbled.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me.

"Can you try to stop for me at least?" I kissed the top of her head. "I don't want you to wait too long and get as bad as I did."

She just nodded in response, before getting up and heading upstairs.

I just pray to god I can get her off this shit, before it gets worse.