Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

19. The Ginger Junkie

May 4th, 1984

-

It's been a week since Kirk broke up with me, to say I was distraught was an understatement. I felt numb, I cried the first few days but now I just don't feel anything. I'm no sad, I'm not angry, and I'm sure as hell not fucking happy. I just feel like an empty abyss.

I've tried to spend as little time sober, as I could. I drank and drank, until I'd black out in some random place throughout my apartment then wake up there the next morning. At first I did it to attempt to drink my pain away, but I only wanted to cry more.

I eventually drank all the beer Cliff had left in the house, so now here I was, just sitting.

Dave had came to check on me everyday. He had to leave shortly after since he was working in the studio with his band, but he never missed a day stopping by.

I lied sprawled out across my bed, mindlessly staring at the ceiling. I heard my door creak open, instantly knowing who it was.

I looked up to see my favorite ginger-headed junkie, walking into the room with a smile on his face.

He walked over to me, leaning over the bed, taking my hands in his and pulling me to sit up.

"C'mon, get up we're going out." He said playfully tugging on my arms.

"Do we have to?" I groaned.

"Yes we do. Now make yourself look presentable and then meet me downstairs." A cocky grin taking over his face, as he swiftly walked out of the room.

He really never changed a bit.

I slowly got up, and made my way into my bathroom. I took a quick shower, letting the hot water hit my skin so I could wake myself up.

I slightly dried my hair with my towel, then leaving it to fall into its naturally curly state. I didn't have the energy, nor the motivation to blow dry it or anything.

I threw on an oversized Mötley Crüe T-shirt, along with some jeans, and my red worn-down Jordans. I didn't care to look in the mirror to see how I looked, hell I didn't even feel like putting make-up on.

I groaned and slowly walked downstairs. As I came down them, Dave tilted his head and smiled at me.

"What?" I questioned.

"You don't look utterly disgusting! It's nice!" He chuckled, throwing an arm around me as we walked out.

"You sure have a way with words!" I said sarcastically, as a small smile crept onto my face.

"I got you to smile though!" He laughed, poking my cheek with his finger.

"Stop doing that!" I started laughing too, repeatedly swatting his hand away from my face.

"Got you to laugh that time." He shrugged, while smirking.

I shook my head, and turned my head to stare out the window.

-

"Did you really have to drag me to the studio with you." I groaned.

I was bored out of my mind, I had been sitting in the studio for about 2 hours with Dave and the guys.

They were recording their upcoming album, Killing is my business.

"Yes, I did. You've been moping around for a week, you needed to get out for a bit." He rolled his eyes turning back to his guitar.

I glared at him, and went to go grab one of his extra guitars from off the wall. I went back over to couch and sat down with it. I left it unplugged so I didn't disrupt them, I quietly plucked the strings so I had something to entertain myself with.

I softly plucked the riff for Fade To Black, smiling a bit to myself.

I saw Dave glare at me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't really acknowledge it much.

"You're not gonna fucking get over him if you keep playing his shit." Dave spat, keeping his glare fixed on me.

Marty smacked Dave's arm giving him a 'don't say that shit' type of look.

I lightly frowned and sat the guitar down without saying a word. I propped my elbow up on my knee, and rested my chin in my palm, staring at the wall.

Dave huffed before turning back to his guitar and playing some riff that he was working on.

Momentarily Junior came back into the room with two beers in his hands. He quickly glanced at Dave to see if he was paying attention, then swiftly handed me one of the beers.

He put a finger to his lips, signaling me to keep it secret, then smiled and walked over to the other guys.

I cracked open my beer quietly, and almost instantly chugged down at least half of it.

I knew I wouldn't feel it right away, but at least momentarily I'd feel some relief to the empty abyss that's taken over me. I hated feeling so empty, but I didn't know how I could take it away. However I knew that I'd rather be numb, than in unbearable pain.

If I'm being totally honest alcohol just wasn't enough anymore, I needed something stronger to fill the void inside of me, but I just wasn't sure what was.

-

I sat there for around 2 more hours, mainly zoned out the entire time. Dave didn't really talk to me anymore for the rest of the time.

"Let's go." Dave said bluntly, Looking at me then nodding toward the door.

I just sighed and looked up at him, he just turned away and walked out of the door. I lifted myself off of the sofa, saying my goodbyes to the other guys, then following Dave out to the car.

For the majority of the car ride it was silent. Dave kept his gaze locked onto the road, I had my window rolled down and let the breeze blow in my face.

Dave finally sighed and then quickly glanced at me, "Look, Hails I'm sorry for yelling at you, alright?"

I slightly turned to look at him, "It's fine Dave."

I didn't wanna argue. I didn't have the energy for it, and frankly I didn't care enough to do so.

"Do you wanna stay with me tonight?" He questioned quietly.

"Sure, why not." I shrugged.

We got to Dave's house and I immediately crawled in his bed. I was exhausted, I hadn't slept hardly at all for the past week.

I almost instantly fell asleep, until I felt the bed dip beside me. I felt Dave's fingers run through my hair, before he planted a kiss on the top of my head.

I felt my heart start pounding in my chest. The second I felt him roll over, my eyes shot wide open.

There's no fucking way.