Physical Communication

Chapter 9

I lay on the couch up in the loft and stare at the ceiling. Today is Adam’s first day training with Scout. I was surprised when Scout said he was going to take on his training until he pointed out he was the only other person here that knew how to sign. I hear someone coming up the stairs but I ignore them. That is until the wind is knocked out of me when a petite little black haired minx jumps on top of me. I groan as I shove her off.

“Damn B!”

“I couldn’t help it, you left yourself open.” She smirked at me.

I roll my eyes at her as I sit up making room for her to sit. I haven’t spoken to Blair since Sunday and I’m not sure what all she knows. She looks at me a little confused.

“What's wrong with you?” She asks.

“Nothing.”

“Then what are you doing up here instead of down there? Shouldn’t you be working with Adam today?”

I just shrug. I don’t want to talk about it but I know she won’t leave it alone.

“You two are always training when I come in to wait for my class to start.”

“I figured he would have told you.”

“I haven’t talked to either one of you in days. Adam and I kind of broke things off.”

My head snaps up and I look at her. She just shrugs like it's no big deal.

“What?”

“Yeah, we agreed we are better off friends.”

“When?”

“Over the weekend I guess. Now back to why you aren’t down there training with him right now.”

“He dropped me. He came in on Monday and told Scout he wanted to train with someone else or he was leaving the gym.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know. I kind of was hoping you knew.”

“I don’t know. I mean he has been acting strange especially after I asked him about the fight, but I have no idea why he would do that. Have you asked him?”

I shake my head.

“I haven’t seen him until today.”

We are silent for a minute. I think about going down there and talking to him.

“So why are you up here if you’re not working?”

“Well since Scout is taking over Adam’s training I’m taking over the women’s class.”

She nods in understanding. I look at the clock. The gym is clearing out and the ladies will be showing up soon for their class. I know what I want to do but it isn’t until I see him heading towards the door that I make my decision. I run down the stairs and catch up to Adam as he walks outside. He doesn’t hear me follow him out so I grab his arm to get his attention. He whips around. The moment he sees me he pulls away. A look of disgust flashes across his face before he glares at me with anger.

[what’s your problem?]

He ignores me and turns to walk off. I reach to stop him again but he pulls away before I can touch him.

[Did I do something to piss you off? Why did you tell me you didn’t want to train with me? And why is that?]

He just glares at me.

[Because I don’t associate with faggots!]

He might as well have smacked me in the face or punched me in the gut. I freeze as realization hits me. He just glares at me before turning around, walking to his car, and driving off. One of the women from my class walks up and says hi before going inside. It brings me back to the real world. I follow her back into the gym and lead the class in a fog that I’m sure doesn’t go unnoticed.

Afterwards I am cleaning things up when Serena stops me. She pulls me to her and hugs me. She pulls back after a moment.

“What was that for?” I smile at her.

[You seemed like you needed a hug. Scout told me about Adam.]

“Yeah well I just found out why he doesn’t want to work with me anymore.” I tell her with a hint of acid in my voice.

She looks at me surprised and confused.

[Why?]

“Evidently he has an issue with my sexuality.”

[You told him?]

I shake my head. “No, but I may have made out with a guy at the bar over the weekend.”

She nods.

[I’m sorry.]

“Why are you sorry?”

[Because I know how much you liked him.]

I look at her for a moment before I smile.

“You see everything, don’t you? I thought watching him date Blair was bad.” I start to break. “But the disgust on his face when he called me a fag…that was...”

Serena wraps me up in her arms again. I don't cry but my body does lean into her's. Allowing her to help support the weight I've been carrying for weeks now.

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It only takes a matter of weeks for the whole gym to know. I have respectfully kept my distance but that didn't seem to be enough. There is no doubt Adam is the one who spread the information. It didn't affect work at the gym except for occasional stares and whispers, especially at first. Guys leaving the locker room when I walk in, kind of stuff.

It bothers me deep down but I learned a long time ago to not let it show. I figured out quickly it doesn't matter what other people think as long as you have the love and support of friends and family. Honestly I don't know what I would do without them.

Telling Scout was probably the scariest one outside of my family. Because truly he is family. I played it off cool but seeing him be ok with it was a huge relief.

And I've never made a big deal out of my sexuality. It wasn't a big thing when I was a kid. I played with Barbie dolls and watched chick flicks but that had more to do with having four sisters than my sexual orientation. I played sports, I box for a living, I played video games and did all the "guy" things. Except date girls. I am known to have a very outgoing personality but I'm nowhere near the stereotype flamboyant gay guy. And trust me there are more gay men out there like me than people think.

I don't go around waving a pride flag or announce that I am a gay man everywhere I go. I have nothing against those that do, it's just not me. I do my part by helping out with the youth at the community center. I don't need to showcase that I am a good person. If people get to know me they will learn on their own.

It still surprises me how scared and aggressive people are towards gay people in this day and age. And also the backlash I get from the gay community because I'm not "proud enough." I am who I am.