I can't do this anymore

Chapter 23 - it wont be long

Alexia's pov:

/'oh my god hurry up'/ I shouted down the phone. Car laughed next to me.
/'calm down Ale we are literally here'/Mapi's voice said. We were picking Mapi and Ingrid to go to training. Coach had begged me to bring Carmeñ for a few sessions. She was staying in Barcelona for a bit longer before she had to go back to London. She had talked to Emma about coming back to Barça mid season but Emma in the nicest way possible said no. She said that she needed Car to help her win the season and even though she was upset about it, Car understood and agreed. She would come back after the Euros.

The back doors opened and Mapi and Ingrid got in.
/'nice of you to finally join us'/ I growled. We had been waiting ages for them.
/'chill Ale we won't be late and even if we did we have Car so coach would forgive us'/ Mapi said as I started to drive.
/'what can I say he loves me'/ Car said smirking. She wasn't lying. She was clearly his favourite but no one minded. Carmeñ was all of our favourite. She was the baby of the team and everyone loved her.

We walked into the training centre and I saw Car's face relax. She had to go and see the physios to make sure she was okay to train today. She hugged me and said bye to the others before walking in the opposite direction. We went into the changing room.

I sat next to Sandra.
/'hey Ale'/ Sandra said
/'hey San you all good'/ I said
/'yep ready to throw myself on the cold floor'/ she said making me laugh.
/'I can't wait for summer weather again'/ she said.

I walked out with Mapi behind the rest of the team. We and Ingrid were the only ones who knew that Car was gonna train with us today. We all gathered round Coach as he spoke.

/'okay girls today we are gonna do some mini games to see where we need to work on again.'/ we all cheered. Mini games were so fun but all of us got really competitive.
/'and also we do have a special guest who will be training with us today but don't post anything about it or her on any social media. She's not officially a Barça player but is in our hearts'/ she said and some of us started going 'awwww' as a joke. As if she had planned it Car walked onto the pitch. She had the Barça shorts and jumper on and her boots. Aitana, Pina, Patri, Jana and most of the other girls ran and jumped in the girl making them all fall over. They all laughed and started chatting excitedly while getting up. The rest of the girls pulled her into hugs. Car tended to hang about with the younger girls considering she was only 20. Lastly Coach pulled the girl into hug before saying
/'right started warming up you lot'/ and shooing us away.

We were split into 3 teams. I was the captain of mine, Patri of hers and Jenni of hers. I was pretty sure we were going to win. I had Car in the middle with me and I truly did believe that we could do anything.

We ended up winning the wining games and got given a little plastic trophy. We lifted it and danced around. Me and Car played so well together. We could just tell were the other person was going to be.
'I feel bad for the teams we play when you come back Tiss' Lieke said throwing her arm around Carmeñ's shoulder.
'It won't be long Li Li' she said sighing
'I hope not Tiss I miss you' she said.
'I miss you to Li Li'

I'm the changing rooms we all waited for Aitana to leave first
/'okay so let's just double check we have everything we need'/ Car said
/'decorations?'/ she asked
/'yep I have them'/ Bruna answered. Cat nodded and continued
/'who getting food'/
/'we are'/ Patri said pulling Pina to her and linking arms.
/'lovly and most importantly who's on drinks?'/ she asked. No one answered and the room was silent.
/'are you joking we have no drinks!'/ she didn't sound to happy and I went up to her.
/'hey it's fine we will just go get some later'/ I said rubbing her back.
/'I know Lex I just wanted this to go perfectly'/ I could tell she was annoyed at herself by her tone of voice.
/'oh wait I'm supposed to be doing drinks that why I brought so much the other dayyy'/ she said mad everyone in the room laughed. She flushed bright red and came over to me and buried her head into my shoulder. I laughed but gentle rubbed her back.

Car had decided to go out with Jana and Bruna for a bit after training. Car was pretty close with everyone on the team and I could tell she had missed all of the girls. Me, Mapi and Ingrid got back into my car and we started the dive back.
/'how's Car'/ Mapi asked me.
/'why don't you ask her yourself'/ I joked
/'I have but she just bullshits me'/ Mapi said. I knew that she would. She didn't like talking about feelings and she never like to seem weak. She didn't want to be treated like glass or any differently.
/'She doing okay actually but she not doing amazing. I think it helps her being back home and with all of us and the team here fir here. To be totally honest I'm scared for when she goes back to London. I won't be there to make sure she's okay and I don't know how well she will manage.'/ I said and it was true. I didn't want to have to leave her alone
/'but she had all of us only a call away'/ Ingird said
/'I just hope she knows that'/

Carmeñ's pov:

I was sat on the beach near my house. I had asked Jana to drop me back here instead of my house. I had such a fun time with her and Bruna and I had missed them. I sat with my arms around my legs just looking at the waves.

I would have to leave in a couple days. I didn't want to. Spain was my home and I never wanted to leave again. But I had to go back to London. I had made a promise and I never go back on a promise.

As I sat there a stray tear started to roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away. I had never like to cry. I was taught that it was a sign that I was weak. Just a weak little girl. A weak little girl who couldn't handle herself. I didn't deserve all the love I got. And suddenly I was 14 again sitting in this exact same place. I was biting my tongue as hard as I could and could taste the blood but continued. I dealt with things the one was I was taught. And that was violence. So that's would I did.

I laid down on my back and started up at the sunset. The sunset always reminded me of my mum. She had died when I was 13 of a heat attack. She was in the stands watching my game with the Barça youth teams. I scored and she had a heart attack in the crowd. She never made it out of that ambulance. From that day my whole life had come crashing down. My parents had never wanted a girl and had made that obvious my whole life. I had to grow up by myself because my parents never had time for me. Always for my brothers but never for me.

I took a deep breath. I felt sort of numb. I was putting on a face for everyone else when in reality I didn't really know how I felt. Marc was my whole world. Without him I had nothing. I was the last Le Tissiè child.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Lex sit next to me. She pulled my into her and held me tight. I gave into the tears in my eyes and let them fall. I was as if a piece of my heart had died with him.

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Sorry it took so long I'm a busy girl. Anyway hope you liked it. Thank you for reading xx