I effortlessly blinked my eyes as the sun rays fell on my face. I could feel that my eyes were heavy. Of course, from the last night crying! My temples were hurting. I stood up from my bed and walked to the window. It was a bright sunny morning. I wished looking at the sun that if my life could also be as bright as this day.
I turned around to sit as I could feel my head spinning a little, maybe because of lack of sleep from last night. I have become an insomniac. From past month, I used to stay wide awake all night and doze off in the morning at 5 or 6 and then get up by 9 again. This was the only sleep I used to get. This vacation had really been an intrusion.
My mind recalled all the last night events which only made my heart a burden in my chest. I had an urge to take my heart out and throw it somewhere away but then I remembered Theo once saying, "It's not your heart with you. It's mine and yours is with me." I now laughed at this. If it was like this then he took his heart away yesterday night.
I reached for my phone and saw it at the corner of my bed. It seemed as if even it was enjoying my condition laying back at the bed.
I sat down, on the floor, next to my bed and re-read the last night conversation between Theodore and me.
Alice: There is something going on in your mind. What is it? What will you take to tell it.
The next message was half an hour later.
Theodore: Did you ever imagine that we would come this far when we first started?
Alice: No. Not at all.
Theodore: See Alice, you never thought we would come this far together but yes we made it. You never thought that we would be able to make this long distance relationship work at all but we did and that too right from the beginning. You never thought that I would be able to come to see you there but I came. That time nothing was in our favour but still we made it. We have a healthy relationship without any confusion and all the bad little things..
Theodore: To be honest, the first day when I said I love you, that time I didn't know how long will it go or are we supposed to be together or not. I just felt it from my heart to love you and that's exactly what I did.
Theodore: I might have got attracted to many other girls but honestly I never felt this way for any of them, the way I felt for you. And seriously, I ask myself, will I even be able to love my wife like this?
Theodore: We had some beautiful times and did things together that we never thought of!
Theodore: I haven't said I love you from so many days. I don't want you to stay like this because I feel bad about it.
Theodore: At this moment, I feel our relationship is just a tag. We're tagged with it and which is not good because it holds no value.
I once again go through the last four words- 'it holds no value'. Really? It was this easy for you to say that it holds no value. You think this way. For me it still is the most valuable.
Theodore: I think we should end this relationship or in other words you can say, give a pause to it. I'm not saying to destroy everything or to act like I'm not there for you or you for me.
Theodore: I'm just saying it would be better for both of us as I don't get time even to text you and you can't talk to your boyfriend, no matter how bad you want it.
