Miss Impossible (Natasha Romanoff x Reader)

Chapter 1

After losing you, Natasha did the one thing she thought she'd never do. Took a break from the Avengers.

She still lived at the compound, not being able to be in a place where you never went and spent her time alone missing every small part of you. Although she never showed this side to the others in the team, they all knew. She may have put on a good show, an easy mask, to hide her real feelings about the situation but they all knew her well enough to know the loss of you was something that affected her deeply.

Through all of this, she became closer with Yelena, if that were even possible. The younger blond was there for her with everything, even if that was getting drunk in your place whilst Nat shared all the memories she had of you with her sister. It brought them closer and that was visible to everyone around them.

Wanda would occasionally join, your death also hitting her like a moving train that wasn't going to stop. But sometimes it was too much for her to think about. Two weeks in, Kate joined and became best friends with Yelena after meeting her.

Tony had been working his ass off for over a month now, working on something he couldn't speak to anyone about whilst Steve got back to his regular day duties like the rest of the team. Two months after your death and everything was still getting back to normal if that were even possible without you there.

"It's her birthday soon, you know?" Nat spoke up, eyes glued to the table in front of her that the two of you would always eat together at, speak about your past with and plan a future at. Nat never failed to remember the conversations each time she was seated and sometimes she found it silly that a literal table was enough to make her cry, but deep down she knew she had a big reason for it to be that way.

"I would have gotten her a dog." Yelena replied after a moment of thought, shrugging her shoulders at the thought, deeply liking the idea.

"Did she even like dogs?" Wanda asked, sticking a fork into her mince pie and Natasha huffed a laugh at the memory of yours and her conversation about what you wanted in the future. The main thing being a dog.

"She loved them," Kate smiled at the thought, "she adored Lucky, there were times where I thought she would steal him from me." Nat smiled softly at that whilst Yelena laughed with Kate about it.

Wanda was in a world (town, ha) of her own, trying to bury the hurt deep down so she could enjoy her food. Yelena didn't know you well enough to miss you too much, you were like a keychain to her in some way. Always there, not for much use but for decoration, that you don't really pay much attention to until you realize it's gone.

"I really want to know what Tony's working on." Wanda thought aloud, gaining everyone's eyes on her own, the rest of them humming an agreement.

"Pete said it was an addition to his suit," Kate told them, nodding her head at them when they all looked at her questionably.

"That man has, whoosh" Yelena's hands separated from each other as she exaggerated her words, "so so many things. It's so cool!"

"Maybe too many." Nat added and Kate laughed, agreeing with her.

The night went on, like any other, sharing food, drinks, words, and feelings with each other until they all started leaving in some way. Wanda was the first to go when she felt the lump swelling in her throat, not long after was Kate when she grew tired due to her long day out with Peter and the last was Yelena.

Nat stayed behind, cleaning up after the mess they had made, keeping the place extra clean to keep her mind distracted and it helped in ways many would think wouldn't.

That was of course until she was done.

All she was left with was an empty house, the smell of you had gone from all areas apart from a few of your clothes and your half empty perfume bottle. But even that wasn't enough because it still wasn't your scent. It still wasn't you.

She would sometimes find herself imagining you walking down the stairs with wet hair and a loose shirt after a shower, beaming at her before rambling about a new idea you had during your 20 minutes without her. Or even walking through the front door, throwing your bags to the floor with a loud groan after a long, grueling day out. In ways, you were still there. Always to her, always in her head.

And she found herself using writing notes to you as an escape, there were dozens piled on top of each other neatly on the small table on your side of the bed, in the hope she would find them missing knowing you would be the one to take and read them.

But that was never the case and it only made her feel stupid for doing the small gesture, but she never stopped.

It was a nightly routine. She never ran out of words to say to you, even if you were never to see them. It was her only way of being able to contact you.

This is my 64th letter now and I've still not lost hope, buttercup.

I know you're somewhere, waiting for me as I'm waiting for you. I can't move on with my life because you're always lingering somewhere in it. Somewhere in my mind, in any place or any conversation I have.

I went out yesterday, to the restaurant we had our first place. I didn't order anything to eat, only wine at the bar, taking the time to myself until I heard someone laugh. It was your laugh; I know it was. Even though I searched for you, I couldn't see you, but I know you're by me.

I wished to marry you, have as many dogs as you wanted, bring children up of our own in an old cabin somewhere in the middle of the woods, or an old ranch so far away from the busy city. We could have made a home from twigs and leaves as a shelter, and I would have still been at my happiest.

Nothing is the same without you, I'm not the same without you.

I still love you, like I forever will.

Yours forever and always,

Natalia. 

Oh we're juuust getting startedddd