Hello My Halo (changlix)

40

Felix only realised the night before that the trip would soon end. They would be flying back home tomorrow, back to Korea, back to their lives and their jobs. As he layed in his bed, eyeing the ceiling above him with a sleeping Changbin next to him, knowing that soon he would have to come clean.

Chan had forced it out of him who broke down crying after he had heard the news. Felix made him promise not to tell Changbin as he wanted to find a way to do it himself. He would have to tell them. All of them. He wished he could be like this forever. Away from the pain of constant headaches and dizziness, having fun with his friends until they grew old. He didn't know what to say or how to say it. He felt sick. Maybe a walk would help. He grabbed the video camera off its charger and went out of his room, down the elevator and out of the hotel, deciding to film a small video just outside.

"Hey everyone," he began, talking into the camera. "First of all, I just want to say thank you. This week has been perfect and I'm so glad I got to spend it with you all. I hopefully made friends with all of you and I hope you'll remember me for a long time. I'm sorry to dampen the mood but I have something to confess. I have uh– a fast spreading cancer, up in my noggin," he laughed, trying to make it as humorous as possible. "It's the same one that my mother passed away from. Treatment would've been hard and painful and I'd rather spend the rest of my life not worrying about it, making memories with my friends and laughing with you guys. So thank you for making my last trip so memorable. By the time you see this, I'll most likely be uh, gone. But don't worry! I'll be watching over each and every one of you!"

Felix tried to remain positive but he couldn't help the tears that spilled over his eyelids as he smiled widely.

"I love you all. Stay happy and healthy. And Changbin, baby. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to miss out on having fun with everyone. I didn't want you to be worried. I'm sorry I was so selfish to keep this from you. I hope you'll forgive me.

Goodbye."

There were no words in the hospital room that night. Only loud screams and cries of desperation as the video played before their eyes.

It had been a week since their return from Australia. Felix and Changbin were making dinner for themselves when it happened. Felix had entered a space of thoughtlessness before collapsing into a fit, writhing on the floor, eyes rolling back in his head while his limbs shook. Desperate, Changbin called for an ambulance, tears streaming down his face as he held onto Felix. Those five minutes felt like five hours to Changbin as his lover twitched uncomfortably. Leaving the hospital room for him to be taken away by doctors and nurses was the hardest thing that he had to do.

In a state of panic, he had called everyone else. Chan, Jeongin, Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and Hyunjin. He explained through tears what happened, barely able to breathe. They all sat together as sobs wracked through Changbin.

It was a few hours later when a doctor came to meet them.

"Relatives of Lee Felix?" She asked. They all stood up.

"I just need one of you.

Chan held his hands up, blocking the rest of them.

"We're just friends, Changbin you go."

Changbin nodded and followed the nurse into a separate room.

"I'm sorry–." The doctor was cut off.

"Where is he? When can I see him? Is he alright?" Changbin shot question after question at her.

"I'm sorry sir, there was an expansion in the tumour in the left side of his brain. That expansion is what caused the seizure–."

"Tumour? What tumour?" Changbin started to feel sick.

"Mr Lee had what was called Li Fraumeni cancer, a rapidly spreading cancer that affects the brain–."

"Cancer?! But he never– but Felix–." Millions of thoughts rushed through his mind.

"The seizure affected a rather important part of the brain, it disrupted the neurological connection–."
"Is he–?" Changbin couldn't even finish his sentence before the doctor spoke again.

"I'm sorry."

"God no– please. Felix no," Changbin choked. "God why– no I can't– Love no–," Changbin clutched his hand to his heart as he slid down the wall, his body aching and his head pounding with thoughts.

"He had this in his pocket," the doctor spoke, gently nudging Changbin who was screaming, tears streaming down his face. She held up a small USB and enclosed it carefully into his hand.

"I'm sorry." And Changbin knew she was.

"Can–." He almost didn't want to ask. "Can I see him?"

"Of course, follow me."

She took him to a room, a bed off to the side held a white sheet and Changbin knew. He looked at the doctor expectantly and she moved to remove the sheet.

It was him.

Changbin sobbed louder than he ever had before. His lungs filled with anything but air as he choked. He rushed to Felix, grabbing his hand but dropping it immediately. Cold cold cold cold cold–

"God– Felix." He looked at his face, a small hint of a smile on those perfect lips he used to kiss.

"Lix–." He couldn't breathe as bile spilled from his throat.

<...>

USB in his hand, he stepped down the hallway. He felt dizzy and disoriented and nauseous and frustrated. His mind repeating one thing over and over like a mantra; Felix Felix Felix Felix Felix–

"Changbin?!" Chan yelled as soon as he saw the distraught boy, instantly clutching onto him. "Changbin, what's wrong?"

The others had begun to gather around him as he spoke.

"Felix– he's– I can't– Felix is gone," the black haired boy yelled, dropping into Chan's arms. He screamed, over and over as the others formed a hug around him, like it would somehow make up for Felix's absence.

It didn't.

The others were crying too. Hands plastered over their mouths trying to muffle their sobs. Changbin didn't care. He would let the heavens know of their cruelty. He would scream and scream until they knew of their crime. Taking such a heavenly angel with them so soon. The silver USB was clutched in his hand. He had to get rid of it before he gripped it any harder, digging through the flesh of his hand.

"Bin, what's this?" Chan spoke softly through his tears, taking the silver device from his hand.

"In his pocket–," Changbin said before his lungs racked into sobs again.

"Seung, do me a favour and plug this in." The other obeyed wordlessly.

The video played before their eyes

The log of their trip. The laughter, the group playing together at the beach, in the pool, their late night UNO game, all of it. And Felix's message at the end.

"Did anyone know?" Changbin whispered, barely audible after the video stopped, pausing on the end frame, Felix's smile shining as brightly as ever. They'll never see that smile again.

The room was quiet, the others shaking their heads. Chan stayed still.

"Chan."

"I'm sorry. He– he made me promise."

"You bastard."

All rational thought had left Changbin as he punched Chan square in the jaw, climbing on top of him and holding his torso up by the collar of his shirt. The others rushed to pull him off the eldest but failed miserably.

"I'm sorry–."

"You're sorry?! He's gone! He's gone and he's not coming back! He's gone!" Changbin's voice cracked. He lost all his strength. His body went limp in Chan's lap and he couldn't fight it. Tears racked over him as he trembled, his body shivering.

"It'll all be okay Bin."

"Felix..."

How could it ever be okay?