Hi, Niall
It's been a while since I've wrote anything.
I'm not feeling good. Not feeling like myself.
I don't know, maybe I'm just over thinking again.
My parents have been arguing for the past two days, my sister leaves me by myself and goes and sleeps at her friends house, you haven't said anything to me since that first day. I just feel like I'm alone again.
I haven't felt that way in a while, but recently, I feel like everyone's pushing me away.
Why am I not likable enough for people to talk to me? For them to actually be my friends? I see everyone else in a group talking and laughing and instead, I sit on my phone or writing in my journal in the corner. No one acknowledges my presence. No one goes insane over me the way they do you. No one really likes me. Why? What do I do so wrong?
I wish I could disappear. For good, you know? I bet everything would still be the same. I often find myself thinking about what it would be like if I wasn't here.
Mr. Jefferson would still ask Ben how he played last night at his football game, he'd still look to Daisy and tell her that her shoes untied even though they both know it's not.
Lunch would still go on; people laughing about the next wanna-be.
You'd still have your infectious smile imbedded amongst your face. You'd still continue to laugh out loud in the literal sense and goof off with your friends.
My parents, well they might be a little sad, but they'd get over it, right? I mean they have Lindsey left in the house to solemnly look after, they don't need me too.
Nothing would change.
I'm just a burden upon everyone.
I bet if I were gone, my parents wouldn't have a reason to argue anymore. They could have their perfect little family of five kids they've always desired to stride for. I was the unplanned child and I can feel it the older I get.
I don't know what to do, Niall.
I don't like feeling like this, but nothing seems to work anymore. I'm actually surprised that my therapist has stuck around as long as she has. She's really the only person I talk to. And as a senior in my last year of school, that's really fucking sad.
I think I'm just going to take a nap and try to clear my mind.
See you tomorrow.
~ Ry
16/4/15
