Ryan,
I can see you shutting everyone out.
Dinner tonight with your family was quite awkward, I must admit. I have never been a big fan of your parents, especially after the stories you shared with me about their verbal abuse and neglecting habits. Despite talking to Liam all night, I did watch you from across that table Ry.
You weren't yourself, tonight.
Was it because of me?
Where you putting up those walls again?
Was it to shut your siblings out?
Was it to keep my mam from not questioning?
You just seemed so...distant.
I just wish you would talk to me. I leave for Uni again tomorrow and I don't know when I'll get a chance to see you again. I don't want to miss you like this, Ryan. I don't want to leave you like this, knowing that next time I come home, there's a possibility that you may not be here...
I love you so much, Ryan. You're my best friend and I just wish that you could see that.
I'm always going to be here for you. I don't want you to bottle it all up and shove that sadness away, Ry. It'll only make it worse, trust me. I ended up in a fucking nut house and then psychiatrically fucked up in the head from doing that for so long. I don't want you to push us all away. Or at least not me. I want to help you. That darkness is too hard to conquer alone.
I just wish you could see how much I actually care about you. I wish you understood how much I need you.
If only these letters were real... if only they could actually mean something.
I would give my life for you to feel happy again, Ry. Please know that.
Xx -Niall
25/11/15
