Better Together

49 | brontide

Chapter 49 : Brontide

brontide— a low muffled sound like distant thunder heard in certain seismic regions

• • •

Ruhaani held the pen tightly in her hand and stared at the blank page of the book. Writing out her feelings always helped her feel lighter. She didn't have anyone to turn to share what she felt. She had friends in school but they slipped away as they all moved to different colleges.

She had two friends in college, however they had drifted away too. Ginni had moved to Canada after college and eventually their communication had reduce to zero. Then there was Yashita, who was one of the most ambitious person she had ever known in her life. She had gone for a Masters to Europe, returned to India, worked for a while and eventually bagged a great job in Mumbai. With time, Ruhaani had lost touch with her as well. It was so hard to nurture friendships as an adult.

On rare days, such as this, Ruhaani longed for a friend. If only she had put some efforts to keep the friendships alive. Then again, after Harsh's death she was at her worst, she couldn't maintain herself forget maintaining relationships.

She stared at the paper. There was so much inside her. Somehow she couldn't write it out because she couldn't make sense of it all.

She mindlessly doodled on the paper. Aadarsh was the main character in all her thoughts. She had avoided him since that kiss. Their relationship was only becoming confusing, more unhealthy by the day. She couldn't complain now, her mind had warned her when she was getting into the marriage.

They talked but never about their feelings. They spoke but never communicated their needs. She didn't know what to understand from the last kiss they had shared. Perhaps it was just. . . lust.

She was being driven to insanity. In one minute, he made her feel that she was everything he needed. Kissed her with so much gentleness that she almost assumed he felt something deeper for her. Then he acted like he still had someone else in his heart and had kissed her out of obligation. She was still unclear on what he actually felt.

Any other day, Ruhaani would have confronted him and asked him directly. However she no longer had the guts do to that. After years, she felt so alive. It was maddening no doubt, but it was the most beautiful feeling ever. She was not ready to listen to his rejection for her feelings. She feared he'd make their moments tiny nothings. She didn't want that. Those moments were grand for her and she'd like it to stay that way.

Her marriage, her relationship with him made no sense. Honestly, it never had. She had ignored the fact for so long. She had no clue how Aadarsh had managed to get to her heart. That man was everything that she never wanted anything to do with.

It was a complete radio silence from both ends this time. It was becoming a vicious cycle now. She would melt and give in and then regret it. She somehow wasn't able to help herself out of it.

She did what she thought was best for her sanity. She left to stay a week at her uncle's house, on the Monday morning, after Sunday's dinner outing to celebrate Abhi's promotion. She had the excuse of spending some time with Arti before she left for studies abroad. She needed a break. Having him around only messed with her mind and feelings.

It gave her enough time to reflect.

Her life after marriage was so smooth on the outside but a freaking rollercoaster on the inside.

The only good part was she didn't feel dead on the inside. She had a purpose, she had a family, she had people to love and call her own. After years, she belonged somewhere.