Better Together

51 | convenience

Chapter 51 : Convenience 

Ruhaani's eyes slowly opened at the unusual discomfort. She had tried to turn to her other side but something was holding her in place. She blinked listlessly trying to sink in her situation.

Her arm was comfortably placed on Aadarsh's chest, while his was curled around her waist, her head was rested on the pillow quite close to his shoulder. With her forehead almost touching his shoulder.

Slowly the happenings of the previous night pieced themselves back in chronological order.

Aadarsh venting out his pain. Their hug. And how shortly after the long hug, they had silently gotten to their respective sides of the bed. It had all been awkward but none regretted it. They had held hands, there was no pillow acting like a wall between them. Eventually, they had ended up hugging each other while drifting to sleep.

Ruhaani closed her eyes, and took in deep breaths. She liked the feel of his arm around her. It wasn't the most comfortable thing, yet it was oddly satisfying. It felt like having someone care for her, genuinely.

Her mind abruptly paused that line of thought and dragged her to reality. Every time she and Aadarsh had an uncomfortable or unforeseen conversation that made them see the ugly parts of each other or of their relationship, Aadarsh went into his avoidance mode.

She opened her eyes slowly and tilted her head looking up at his face. This closeness was everything she had been craving for. She felt closer to him both emotionally and physically.

Her heart sunk a little bit as her mind reminded her it wouldn't last. It would be gone the minute he was awake.

Her gaze drifted down to his muscular arm around her, it then flew to her own that was on his chest, near his heart. So much near his heart and yet so much far. She gently withdrew that hand back. Using her hands she removed his arm from around her. She sat up freed from his hold, her gaze looking at him longingly.

She wasn't like this before. She hated being like this. She disliked how she pinned for him despite everything. However last night, after seeing how much pain he hid inside himself, she didn't feel sorry. Somewhere inside that big strong man was a small weak boy who was waiting for someone to come around and show him that he was still loved.

It didn't help that she knew exactly how Aadarsh might have felt from her own experience. Being unloved was a very bitter feeling. She knew that feeling, because somewhere deep down inside her that feeling was hidden. The feeling that lashed out in the form of bitter words, angry accusations and pathetic cries last night.

She wanted to be loved too.

Only that he did not see that, he did not love her.

Gosh, she wanted to kiss that face and slap it at the same time. Aadarsh Sehgal had not only grown on her wildly, he had also gotten permanently under skin.

She hated that she loved him and yet was grateful she managed to love him despite everything. Additionally, she also liked that she still hated him for what he put her through which meant she still loved herself.

This couldn't get more complicated, could it?

She gave him one last look before deciding to get off the bed and take control of her life again. Perhaps the drink yesterday had really influenced her stupid emotions. She had so pathetically, although indirectly, begged him to say words she wanted to hear. What a bloody mess!

To make things worse, she was almost sure he would wake up and ignore her. She had just come back from being away from him for four whole days. One day together and things between them had boiled over and exploded. How was this a freaking normal marriage? This was the recipe for a perfect disaster and insanity.