Better Together

53 | fervid feelings

Chapter 53 : Fervid Feelings 

"Marrying you was the most convenient option life has ever given me."

"Convenience is not a bad thing, Aadarsh. In fact, it's a good thing. It means the absence of difficulty, it means being trouble less, being fitting, it means being suitable. You were suitable."

"Aadarsh, I didn't marry you for you."

"I didn't like you."

"You were annoying. You were difficult to be with. You pissed me off at the drop of a hat. But, I..."

"I have started liking you. I have started having these feelings for you. I tried hard, very hard to not. I know we spoke..."

"...we spoke about expectations. I know you don't believe in love...at least not anymore. I now understand why. But Aadarsh...I ..."

Love you.

He hadn't let her complete the last sentence back that night. He knew what words were next. He didn't want her to say it and add to load he was already carrying. The load of guilt—of not being able to give her back what she felt for him.

He didn't understand why she loved him. He was difficult, like she had rightly said. He had done everything to make himself difficult to love.

He had annoyed her with his ignorance. Pissed her off with his lack of enthusiasm to work on their relationship. Come off as an heartless man who didn't care for her, for her, but for all the other reasons.

How could she still fall for him? How could she have feelings for someone who ran the other way from feelings?

It had been more than three days away from her. It gave him ample of time to think about her. He thought about her a lot. A lot more than what was normal.

He reflected on all those conversations he could remember word by word. He had replayed that one night countless time in his mind and the following morning. He couldn't erase the image of her tear-struck eyes from his mind.

She deserved better. So much more better.

Sadly, he couldn't give her that. He couldn't allow himself to love her openly, cherish her undisguisedly, care for her without a damn for the world.

He'd get too deep into it.

In one way or another, it would end badly. It always did. It always hurt.

Those ruins always took too long too rebuild. This time around he wasn't even sure if he had it in him to be hurt again and still live.

He sighed climbing onto the neatly made hotel bed. At least they spoke unlike the last time. They spoke every day, on video call. Even if their conversations were random. About what the kid were up to, about what was for lunch, about how she enjoyed keeping the room's temperature to her liking and slept in the centre of the bed.

She'd usually be with kids on the bed. She was so damn good with kids. It was a treat to watch her be the momma bear for her cubs. A sight for sore eyes. A sight he could keep watching and never tire.

Mukti and Nirvaan were lucky. He was so happy for them. They had become so much more lively, so much more fun, so much more involved. Especially Nirvaan. Ruhaani had a unique way of making sure they participated in chatter, did everything together, helped each other. She was raising them up just as his mother had raised him, Abhi and Ashvi.

He had briefly spoken to Dai Jaan today morning to take updates from her about Ruhaani's tooth ache. She had told him she did have discomfort and slight swelling. But he needed to be sure, she was actually okay.