His Lotus

19

Deva

Since a few weeks, my mind has been playing dirty games with me and now it's gotten worse! Having Thamarai tell me that she belongs to another man has my heart clenching in anguish and stomach churning with wrath.

Why did my internal organs act that way then? I have no idea!

But it is not obviously love! I have already committed myself to Iniya and it's wrong in every manner to even think of another girl...

However, Thamarai is stagnant in my head and isn't permitting me to speculate anyone other than her.

Rolling on the bed, I lay on my stomach, unable to control the rise of something heavy inside my chest as I rewind back to Thamarai speaking to her fiance. She seemed delighted and shy.

And I should be feeling happy for her but I couldn't!!

I don't like when she talks with a man who is not me. I know I'm going nuts with my irrelevant ideas yet this is the truth I didn't want to accept. I can't even stand Thamarai conversing with another male...then how would I be able to tolerate it when she gets married and he, that moron gains the right to love her and touch her as he pleases...

"Arghh!!!" Groaning in frustration, I fist my hands and punch against the mattress. God, what is wrong with me!?

Maybe I should just speak to Iniya and distract myself. Agreeing to the thought, I extend my hand and pick up the phone from the side table.

It's 11.30 pm.

I am not sure If she is awake or not but I decided to give it a try and contacted her. The ring goes on for a few seconds before Iniya attends it.

"Hey, baby..." I internally cringe at the word. I loathe that word...

Deva mama is better. No, it's the best. Especially when Thamarai mentions me with it. Shaking my head, I respond to Iniya. "When are you planning to sleep?" I ask, attempting my best to not let my mind wander to Thamarai again.

"Not anytime soon...I actually am working the night shift today," she says in her enamored tone while I carelessly reply to her. "Fine. I just couldn't fall asleep," I confess but she took it differently.

"Aw, are you missing me already?" Not really. But I can't hurt her...

"Um...yeah," I trail off while she does more 'aw' in acknowledgment. "Come back soon baby. I miss you more...and my boss is calling me, I have to get back to work, good night baby..." She disconnects the call without heeding my reply and I place the phone on the side table without bothering much.

And then I shut my eyes tight and drowned myself in the slumber that contained dreams of lotus. Not my cousin but the flower lotus.

On the following dawn, I refresh and book a train ticket online to return to Chennai in the evening. Momentarily, as I step downstairs, I see all my family and cousins gathered in the lounge to have breakfast. It wasn't a big task to get my cousins to forgive me but I guess I had hurt Maithili more than the other girls. I apologized to her alone and she said 'It's fine,'.

That is all she spoke to me throughout the whole day. The other girls were normal though...

"A pair is missing," I comment as I fail to find Thamarai's parents. "They had gone to meet our family astrologer to select an auspicious day to hold Thamarai's engagement," Keerthi athai answers and I felt my heart squeezing painfully beneath my chest.

My eyes instantly search for Thamarai who is busy distributing the plates.

Suppressing my disappointment with the news, I quietly had the breakfast along with my family. Post the meal, my cousins starts to play outside but Thamarai was restricted as she is going to be a bride soon. She sits on the porch of our home for a few minutes while watching the other cousins play but then she walks back to her home.

I, who was watching her actions from the entrance of my home felt like a stalker but couldn't help but follow her to her home after a couple of minutes of pondering about the same. "What do you want?" She groans when she sees me enter.

She is seated on the couch with the television remote gripped in her hand. She is watching a music channel. To tease her, I shut the main door behind me, and that brings an alert look to her face.

"Mama, open the door or else I will scream," she stands up from the couch and rushes to unlock the door but I lean against it securely.

"Move mama!" She furiously stares at me. "No..." I drag with a smirk. "I will scream then!" She bites back and opens her mouth to do the same but I swiftly close her mouth using my hand.

The other one bands against her waist.

She sees me with wide eyes and blinks naively. For a moment, I plummet into her expressive eyes and couldn't look away from her.

Simultaneously, a romantic melody song commences to play on the channel.

It was the song that turned me on to an extreme level and I embrace Thamarai onto my chest. Her hands wrap around my torso and we just stand there, cocooned by each other's bodies, and mesmerized by the song.

It felt like heaven...a safe place.

However, it only lasted a few seconds before which Thamarai pushes me back and runs upstairs.

Meanwhile, I prevail there, reflecting on my own action...

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