His Lotus

36

Thamarai

By late evening, everyone retreated to the apartment and they immediately began wrapping up to leave for the Village. But I don't want to depart from here...from my Deva mama. He is all that I have been craving for since forever and now that I have him, the thought of being away from him is devastating. Moreover, this whole marriage thing with Velu is settling a rather tremendous fear within me.

Yet I've no other choice but to go along with my relatives to our native place.

"Take good care of yourself, okay?" patting his hair, his mom plops a kiss on his forehead. "I will," Mama says with a nod and glances at me as his mother twirls to join us.

As everyone exits the door, I wave my hands at Deva mama who smiles reassuringly at me. Sending him a longing look, I disappear out of the door.

Throughout the train journey, I was reminiscing about Deva mama and his sweet words and kisses. Meanwhile, my family members were excitedly talking about my marriage and I felt guilty to have plotting plans to stop this marriage behind their backs. Yet it has to happen...otherwise, neither I nor Deva mama would be able to live happily.

And I believe even he wouldn't be in glee If this marriage was to occur. His behaviour from the beginning itself was odd and thinking deeper about the same, I can't help but come up with various reasoning. Maybe he was forced to marry me? Maybe he is in love with another girl? Maybe he is marrying me for the money my parents are very pleased to offer to his family? It's similar to dowry but when I questioned my parents about it, they told me that they are doing this willingly for the well-being of their daughter and no one has cornered them to do so. I couldn't debate more, and I knew arguing with them would earn no good as they were already stuck to their decision.

"Did Velu contact you today?" One of my aunts asks, snapping me out of the intensive research that I was performing in my head. "No.." she frowns. "And why is that?" Another one of my aunts amuses while I just look at them in oblivion. I have no idea why his phone is switched off all day long. Deva mama had tried contacting him in the evening as well but Velu's phone was surprisingly dead. This has never transpired before. There are days when he doesn't attend to my calls but he never had his phone switched off.

"He might be busy! Now don't start your bizarre grounds for why he hasn't called Thamara yet," Gayu akka slams with an irritated look to the ladies and they roll their eyes before proceeding to gossip.

My mother who is reclined beside me brushes my arm soothingly.

Later, when we reached our village at night, the men in our family came to pick us up. After we attained our residences, everyone dispersed to their respective dwelling and slept due to the weariness of the day.

On the subsequent day, decked out in my college uniform, I exit my home to look for my mom. She wasn't anywhere inside the home. Weirdly enough, I saw every one of the elders gathered in front of Maithili Akka's house. What is going on?

Dubious, I stride towards their home and approach Gayu who was standing near a pillar, worriedly. "What happened?" I query in a whisper while peeking around the distressed look on the elder's countenance.

"Maithili akka denied coming to the city saying she is going on a three-day excursion with her high school students, right?" I nod my head at her, my brows furrowing.

"But that's a lie Thamara! She hasn't attended my parents calls or my calls throughout the past day. Petrubed by her safety, my mom contacted one of her colleagues in the morning to check in on Maithili akka but turns out that there wasn't even any excursion arranged by the school authority. Akka had gone somewhere else. She has packed most of her belongings too. Everyone doubts that she has eloped away," I blink my eyes in shock, stunned by the information.

"No way..." I drag in disbelief.

"Where would have she gone otherwise Thamara? I'm so disappointed. She betrayed our family. She brought shame to us," tears slide down her eyes and I hold onto her hand, attempting to console her.

"Come inside," I pull her in and my other cousins follow suit. Once we are inside Gayu's room, we shut the door and seat ourselves on the mattress.

"Has akka ever loved someone other than Deva mama?" Rahini queries, seeming unsettled. "To my knowledge, no," I convey, equally upset.

"Same," Riddhima shakes her head negatively too.

"She rarely once mentioned about this guy who has been stalking her since college but...that was it, she never paid much attention to guys other than Deva mama," I suddenly felt an overwhelming emotion rising within my chest.

How will my cousins view it when they come to know about the relationship between me and Deva mama? How painful it would be for Maithili akka...

"Wait! Have any of you checked Maithili Akka's room for any letters?" Riddhima, the youngest of all booms.

"Ridhu? This isn't a movie!" Rahini dismisses her but Riddhima, not heeding to her words, instantly flees out of the room.

"I never thought Maithili akka would ever commit such a thing," Gayu starts to cry, her emotions bringing tears to our eyes as well.

As we were trying to pacify her, Ridhu breaks into the room breathlessly and closes it behind. Turning around, she showcases the letter...

"Where would you find that?" I demand in disbelief. I couldn't believe Maithili akka had really eloped away! "Under her pillow!" Ridhu addresses as she sits on the mattress.

Giving a cautious look to each other, we hunch in a circle and open the letter...

I'm sorry ma. I'm sorry pa. I'm sorry Gayu and I'm Really sorry Thamara. I know every one of you is angry with me while reading this letter but I had to take this decision to save a life and my love. I have known Velu since my college years. He was my senior and proposed to me when I was in my first year itself. But I was in love with Deva mama and never gave him an opportunity. Still, he never quit loving me and did everything in him to acquire my love. I thought he would stop loving me once our college years terminates but he followed me even after that...and I eventually told him that I would never love him as I was already in love with Deva mama. Even so, he didn't cease loving me and used to check in on me every so often. I didn't know I was falling for him then. Concurrently, Velu was unexpectedly brought as the groom to Thamara and it only took me a chat with him to discern that he did it just to make me jealous. I really did feel possessive and I recognized I did had developed feelings for him but I didn't want to spoil Thamarai's happiness that came to her after so many rejections. My calmness regarding this made Velu to approve the marriage with Thamara. I was relieved yet unsettled that he was finally moving on from me. My feelings were complicated...

Recently, when Deva mama refused to marry me, I was totally crushed and Velu was the one who prevented me from making any rash decisions. He helped me emerge out of my sorrowful and miserable state and we got close during this stage. And then one day, he asked me to at least accept him now. But I rejected him as I was definitely to hurt Thamara. At this time, Velu understood that I was really in love with him and I would have accepted him If not for Thamara. He became enraged and was about to call off the marriage but due to my pleading, he hadn't done it. I don't know what happened to him abruptly, but he said that he would end his life If he couldn't have me and I was left on wondering what to do.

He then asked me to elope with him as the marriage preparations have gone too far and it's almost impossible to halt it now. I don't know If I did the right thing by eloping with him. Yes, he did manipulate me. But I voluntarily listened to it. I'm really sorry....

I just love him.

A deafening silence remains between every one of us and I couldn't comprehend why I was crying but tears were leaving my eyes in a quick order.

My cousins hugged me all at once, feeling pathetic for the situation I was put in.

All this is way too much for me to bear...

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