His Lotus

31

Thamarai

Deva mama went to the home first so as to not stir doubts in anyone and I followed him after a couple of minutes, as If I had actually attended the college.

It rendered me feel guilty and I hugged my mother tight as soon as I reached my home. She was clueless at my sudden display of love.

"What happened?" She questioned with a frown. "Nothing," I shake my head while she ruffled my hair lovingly.

Afterward, I refreshed and had tea along with my mother. We spend a good amount of time arguing over the serial that was playing on the television.

It was a plot where the male lead under some critical situations gets married to a dark-skinned girl who has been rejected by many and then he proceeds to cheat behind her and marry another girl who happened to be fair in color. Subsequently, one day the main female lead gets to know the truth and the guy shamelessly lashes out at her for being dark-skinned!

Though the girl now has become strong and is striving to achieve her educational goals, my mother is disheartened by how her life has turned out...

She is afraid that my future hubby would do something like this and started to advise me on how I should take immense care of him to not let his eyes fall on other girls. Obviously, I became angry and we continued to have a heated debate until I indignantly left the place because I knew she wouldn't leave the topic unless I listen to her and nod my head.

Getting back to my room, I couldn't suppress the burst of emotions in me. Life is really unfair. I understand that every people in this world has worries and burdens but when it stems from their mere skin colour...who are we to blame!?

I might act tough outside but I'm frightened by what my mother had said. I initially feared being not loved by anyone and now I have this newborn insecurity of being a temporary interest of my better half...of my Deva mama.

It's not that I don't trust him. But what If he found someone prettier than me? Will he leave me for her?

Tears welled up in my eyes and I turn my blurred vision to gaze at the mirror that showcased my skin color as dark as the rainy clouds. If only...If only I'm more beautiful and fair, I wouldn't have to be concerned about all of this, right? It's harsh but it's the raw truth. And no, I'm not angry over those people but over whoever that created me...

I sometimes console myself by telling that people have it worse and it's stupid to worry about a meager shade of my skin. But it's not working now.

I'm tired of this.

Anguish...painful...hot tears leaks out of my eyes while I stand there, internally torn. It's overwhelming when I think about my future ahead. I will definitely rise in my career aspect but love doesn't seem to be the thing for me.

Maybe I should just break up with Deva mama. It would hurt a little less If he were to leave me someday. I bit my lips to not let out the sob that knocks at my pursed lips.

Yes, that's the right thing to do. I don't even know If he liked me genuinely. He already has a girlfriend and he suddenly came to me and confessed. Being the foolish person I'm, I went with the flow without thinking sanely. My blind love for him had me stumble into his sweet words...

How stupid am I?

He definitely is playing with me. Anytime now he would tell me that it was a prank and kill my soul. I couldn't handle it. I don't have the mental strength to bear the betrayal of the one that I love with my whole heart.

Sniffing, I rub away my tears, determined to end this before he does. Two more days and then he will get back to his girlfriend after telling me that he just played with me.

I know...that's what he is going to do!

I was about to unlock the door and get out when the door opened, revealing a confused Deva mama. "Aunt said that you fought with her," he speaks casually as he locks the door.

"I did," I say blankly, my voice coming out in a hoarse tone. "And you cried?" He amuses, walking towards me and clutching my hips.

My stomach twisted but I dismissed the feeling and unwrapped his hands.
"Come on," he clicks his tongue at my action. "So when are you going to break out of the character mama?" I ask, sourly.

He looks at me with a deep frown. "What character?" I laugh humorlessly before stepping back. "The character that pretends to love me.." his brows furrow further.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He steps closer to me and I stood unmoving. "You are a good actor mama. I will give you that. But please stop acting now. I know you like to tease me but this has gone a bit over the top," he stares at me, irritated.

"I am not acting Thamara. I really love you. What in the world happened to you all of a sudden!? You were fine till the dusk!" He cups my cheeks, his features emitting apprehensiveness.

He loves me. It would sound more pleasant If it was true.

"Enough mama. I am aware of your pretense. I was wondering why you weren't very serious about halting my marriage and cheating on your girlfriend with me. But now I got it, mama. You just want to tease me for the time being, which is why you weren't taking any steps to stop my marriage. And that is exactly why aren't empathetic about your girlfriend's feelings because you were deceiving me...not her," he blinks and I feel his hands becoming warm.

"Did I get that right, mama?" I ask in a whisper, dead from the inside. "You got it all wrong Thamara. How could you.." he stresses, pausing as he searches for words to lie.

"It's okay mama. I am not affected much, you can go about your way," he hisses at my utterances. "Thamara, don't be dumb! I love you..." He leans in and captures my lips in a quick order. I fist my hands to punch him but as it touches his chest, I melt at the way he kisses my lips passionately. I felt disgusted by my inability to quit him and ended up crying profusely.

Deva mama divides his lips from mine upon seeing my pathetic state. "Mama please go...you didn't have to take it this far," I stutter between my sobs and plummet back onto the edge of the bed.

"Why don't you believe me Thamara!? I told you that I wasn't pranking you the first time when I confessed, didn't I!? Didn't you feel my love for you in the kiss? I had saved it for the special one...and it's you Thamara, only you..." He kneels beside my legs and grabs my hands in his. "Why don't you trust me?" He squeezes them while I continue to drown in my misery.

He sounds sincere and I'm left to ponder upon my spilled-out words. Is it my overthinking that had me tangled in this situation?

"I'm not compatible with you.." he sighs loudly. "How?" I could sense the lurking anger beneath his voice. "This.." I point towards our hands that contrast each other.

"Thamara!" He booms, staring up at me in rage. "Please..." I beg, sobbing breathlessly. "Leave mama, I'm done!!" I scream and close my eyes, not having the guts to even look at him.

And then I heed his retracting footsteps and a thud of the door closing.

That night, Deva mama left for the city and everyone was perplexed by his abrupt decision while I silently cried for being the reason for his departure.

I don't know If what I had done is right or wrong anymore.

Caressing the dark lips of mine, I reckoned about the kiss he planted on my lips and sobbed myself to sleep.

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The plot of the serial is a real ongoing tamil serial named 'sundari'.