His Lotus

23

*Guys ...Idk what's wrong with my Wattpad. I almost lost the chaps of this story...thank god there is revision history :( And I have no idea what is happening... the chapters are getting jumbled on their own!!*

Thamarai

I should have known earlier...

Deva mama will never love me. Though his actions might point out otherwise, the truth is that he feels nothing for me. He hugged me on the last day as If I belong to him. But never spoke anything about the same afterward. Now, how should I take this as?

He either is playing with my emotions or his head is messed up or like he always says, he did it to tease me...

However, that hug didn't come off as one that is intended to be a joke. The more I think about it, I could only conclude that he harbor feelings for me. It sounds relevant yet at the same time, I don't want to entertain that unrealistic idea. Him being in love with me is something that happens only in my dream.

Been occurring since my teenage phase and still is going strong.

And that forehead kiss...

I know that kisses on the forehead are seen as a sign of pure love that could be shared in any relationship and perhaps, Deva mama's intention was naive too but the impact it had done on me wasn't. That mere touch of his lips against my forehead shattered my already mangled heart and I was left to spend the night, sniveling profusely, for I had no strength to overcome the horrible condition I'm put in by fate.

I absolutely am sure that he doesn't love me but his actions that denote the opposite is killing me! I had cried the entire night thinking about his kiss and hug, and finally ended up being the victim of a fever that settled in my body with cold and cough as its companion.

Mother was so worried about my condition as from two days post, my engagement would be conducted and therefore, took immense care of me to regain my health back as soon as possible. I'm quite alright now...

All because of Deva mama.

In the morning when he called me and spoke, I felt very elated. Him missing me provoked butterflies to flutter in my stomach and till the night, I was in a good mood which shooed away my fever...

Nonetheless, the moment I saw his status, I came back to the square one again. The butterflies that flew across my stomach died all at once the second my eyes raked over his selfie along with his girlfriend.

I couldn't believe how stupid and illusory I was to even be delighted by his sweet words when I clearly knew he has a girlfriend and I was to be engaged within two days. But conclusively, I was the one to blame. It was my fault for letting my heart to feel things before having my brain analyze them...

I should take a stable decision now. I can't waver again! Forgetting Deva mama is impossible and I could never bring myself to lose the memories I had with him. But I had to, for the sake of Velu, the guy that liked me for the first ever time in my life, and also to save my sanity from Deva mama. I shouldn't dwell on him anymore as he already is committed to someone else!!

He will always be my first love. And that is what his position in my heart is. From here on, I'm making way for Velu to enter my heart even though he doesn't seem interested in taking the path to the same...

Still, I am not losing my hope. I will try my best to accept him as my better half and vice versa!

And with these calculations done inside my head, I shut my eyes to be swept away by the tide of slumber.

On the subsequent day, I was fine except for the cough that comes to irritate my throat often.

Before going to college, I checked my phone and surprisingly found so many messages from Deva mama.

'How's your health now' which was the message I left unanswered and following it, he sent the below messages...

'Are you alright?'

'why aren't you replying?'

'Thamara?'

'Have the medications and rest well. Good night'

'Good morning,'

'How you doing!?'

My grip tightens around the phone as I swipe the keyboard up to reply. I don't know why my eyes are gathering tears while I type a simple reply to him. If his texts were seen by me before the last night when I decided to move on from him, I would have responded a paragraph to his remarks but not anymore...

"I'm fine," I send and clicked out of his chat. My chest becomes heavy as I rewind his concern-filled words. Why does he care so much about me! Will he ever realize the pain he inflicts on me!

I gulp when the phone vibrates in my hand. Deva mama has replied.

'Good to know :)'

'But...are you angry at me for something?' I see his message on the notification bar.

'No.' I type away, confused by his question. Maybe he noticed the lack of interest in my prior response.

Suddenly, my phone begins to buzz with his call and I pondered within myself on whether to attend his call or not. I close my eyes for a few seconds to calm my mind before accepting. I can't always run away from him, I should learn to face what challenges me...

"Hello," I say, with no emotion. "Has the fever gone?" He asks softly. "Yes," I say in a curt tone.

"You sound rude...you know," he chuckles. "Oh, I did not mean to. I actually am getting late for my college.." I utter, keeping a hold on my chest, over my heart to not let it melt at his voice.

"When did you become a good student, huh?" He queries to make the conversation light-hearted but I wasn't having any of it. I just want to end this battle as soon as I could.

"I have to go...bye," I was about to cut when he hurries, "Wait, wait!" I hesitantly listen to him. "What?" I ask, indifferently.

"You really aren't angry at me, right?" He questions, dubiously. "No mama! Bye!" I amuse and cut the call.

God...help me get rid of him.

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