State house head cannons and one shot

Califucknia!

California: Oklahoma, what do you call people you go out with but don't try to sleep with?
Oklahoma: ...People?
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Oklahoma: If it's any consolation, they got me here on a very misleading text message.
California: Technically, you are about to be screwed in the biology room.

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Oklahoma: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.
California: Wow, I've gotta hear this.
Oklahoma: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.
California: You forgot pride.
Oklahoma: No, I'm pretty proud of this.
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Oklahoma: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?
California: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I've obviously gone crazy.

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Oklahoma: Bro, I had a dream we fucked.
California: Bro, relax it was just a dream.
Oklahoma: Huh, gay, I wouldn't fuck you.
California: You wouldn't?
Oklahoma: I mean, unless you want to-

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Oklahoma: What's sexting?
California: I'm not having this conversation with you.

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California: Know why I called you in here?
Oklahoma: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic.
California: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?

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Oklahoma: Look, last night was a mistake.
California: A sexy mistake.
Oklahoma: No, just a regular mistake.

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Oklahoma: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?
California: Nope, there's 26.
Oklahoma: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.
California: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.
Oklahoma: You'll get the D later ;).

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Oklahoma, turning to California: Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you can turn on is the microwave.

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Oklahoma: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn't anyone around to help you? What if it's congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?
California: ...You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves,

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California: New York , you'll be working with Georgia and Oklahoma.
New York : Alright! My fantasy threesome!
Everyone else: *blank stares*
New York : ...Of people on a team.

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New York , writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."
New York : THERE. Now send it.
Oklahoma:: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-
New York : JUST DO IT!
later
California: So what does it say?
Georgia , reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."
California:
Georgia :
California: Gross-

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Oklahoma: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves?
Georgia : Milfs.
New York : Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves.
Oklahoma: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for???
California: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties.
California: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago.
New York : Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck.
Oklahoma: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—
Oklahoma: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!
California: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries?
Georgia : What? No! It isn't!
California: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!
New York : California...
California: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION!
New York : I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you.
California:  OKLAHOMA, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!
Oklahoma: The word milf has been ruined for me.
Georgia : THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!
New York : Y'all are dumbasses.