Her

#Thirty-One

Nehalla

Why the hell did I kiss him? It was stupid of me to have let my desire speak for itself. I never imagine kissing someone else than Hajjar. I don't know what came over me, maybe it was my subconscious, telling me that it was truly over with Hajjar. Never the less when our lips touched, I was agreeably surprised. I felt little sparks travelling all over my body, even more than when I was with Hajjar. That's the reason I couldn't end the kiss. It was so damn good! As soon as it stops I felt my mind fractured in two. One half, I felt relieved that the moment was over because the emotions were too much for me to handle. The other have I wanted fucking more. Even now I can still feel his lips on mine and it scares the crap out of me.

Morpheus was wrong. I didn't kiss him to get something in return. I didn't want to seduce him. I did it in the heat of the moment. All I want to do now is to feel his lips, but I know it could never happen again.

Why do I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart? No, no, stop! Don't think about it. You love Hajjar and only him. Yeah, it's best for me that I stay where it hurts because all I deserve is to suffer after what I've done.

That's why I didn't fight him when he told me I'll be his prisoner. Deep down, I knew that I had to be punished. What I did was wrong. Before, I would have never admitted this to myself.

All of this is because of master Thailog. He succeeded by convincing me it was the right thing to do. I fought him at first but in the end, I caved and admitted defeat. Since then, all I did was his bidding.

"We're here," Morpheus informs me.

Already, am I ready for this? Well, it's too late to back down now. I think in the back of my head.

"Before we go any further, I'll have to think this through. A way that I will handle all of this." He says to me,

It's a relief because I'm not quite ready to do this. I have to be prepared for their reactions. Only the goddess knows how this all ends. I can't show any weaknesses. I must stay strong and not fall apart in front of anyone.

I've been gone for so long. I wonder how much Kaya has grown up since the last time I saw her? Oh no, Sabi and Kaya, what will they think of me when they find out what I have done. And what about Fahyra? What would she think of me? After all, She's Hajjar and Morpheus' mother.

Where is the master when I need him the most? At least with him by my side, I didn't have to feel this way. NO! I don't have to be ashamed of myself. I did whatever was necessary to stop her. That bitch! Not only did she take my place as the chosen one, but she also stole Hajjar from me. No, I have to stop thinking like this because it isn't good for my health and mind.

Please, I need help!

I jump a little as I feel Morpheus's arms circling me. "Shhhh sh sh sh sh sh, it's okay, everything is going to be okay." He comforts me by rubbing my back.

It felt strange to let him hold me like this. It's so good to be in his arms, I feel protected. I know I shouldn't because of our situations of who he is and what will become of me, but I can't help myself. It doesn't feel awkward, not awkward at all.

For this reason, I welcome it with open arms. I don't know how long it will take me to feel this safe again.

Everything I've done so far, came back to hunt me. I can't take it anymore. I let myself be held by Morpheus. I'm so overwhelmed by my guild. I can't even support myself. Every muscle of my body goes numb. Morpheus tightens his hold. He must have felt me give up. For the first time, in a long time, I fell protected. Nothing can harm me. I cry in his arms. I can't hold back my tears, I let them fall one by one.

I cry for myself, for Hajjar, for our love, my betrayal to my people, for my master who abandoned me when I needed him the most. I cry for Morpheus, and the disappointment I see in his eyes all the time he's looking at me.

I don't know how long it took me before I compose myself. All I know is, for now, I feel a little better, and this is all thanks to Morpheus. I had never seen this side of him before. His future mate will be very lucky to have someone like him.

Why do I feel as if my heart breaks a little? It's strange, Very strange indeed. Tch, I'm confused once again.

Great!

"Do you feel better now?" He asks, looking at me with concern.

"Yes, thank you for asking, Morpheus," I say, staring at the ground. I can't look at him when I'm feeling so confused. What the hell's wrong with me?

He takes my chin between his fingers and thumb so I will look him in his eyes. "Stop staring at the fucking ground all the time when I'm talking to you." He gently brushes a lock of hair behind my ear. I feel goosebumps rising from his touch.

All I want to do now is to kiss him again. The way he is looking at me, I think he wants this as well. Do I dare? Last time, he wasn't too keen on the idea.

But wait a minute, isn't he the one who's holding me in his arms. Hasn't he just brushed my hair behind my ear? Tch. Make up your mind already, you stubborn male.

He lets go of me and returns to his usual self, which means scowling.

For a moment, what just happened between us, made me forget where I was.

I close my eyes to try to calm my nerves. I take three deep breaths and count them one by one. Repeating Morpheus words in my mind. Everything is going to be alright. Deep down, even if I know I'm his prisoner, he won't let anything bad happen to me. I'm sure of it and nothing can change my mind, not even if master Thailog were telling me otherwise. That's how certain I am and for me, it's a big deal.

He takes my hand gently in his and walks right ahead. Guess he is finally ready to go. Am I ready for this? No. Fuck, no! I'm not, but what choice do I have? I'll just have to endure what's to come. Keeping my head up high.

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