DIFFICULT - Gracie Abrams

1.33

a/n- sorry in advance

"I'm so so sorry"

"The doctors don't think she'll get better "

It was past midnight and the actress couldn't fall asleep, even with her lover's arms wrapped around her, the words she said to the actress the night before wouldn't stop replaying in her head like a broken record.

The girl started doubting herself, has my drinking really gotten out of control? Is it really that bad? Am I really an alcoholic? - holy shit maybe I am, wait no- I just stress drink everyone stress drinks from time to time right? But what if I want to stop and I can't? but I am not an alcoholic so I can stop right?

The thoughts consumed her so much she decided to get up from the bed and checked the time 3am fucking great, she put a hoodie on since it was cold since, she didn't have the warmness of the sheets and of a certain brunette.
The girl splashed some water on her face from the kitchen sink and grabbed her phone, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

As she made her way outside, she walked to part of the beach that was illuminated by a light pole. Ivy sat down on the sand, took out her cigarette and started smoking as she did that she looked out at the perfect full moon on top of the ocean. The view was perfect , as she smiled at the hit of nicotine making her feel perfect as it usually does, and strangely enough the thought of drinking something strong to let go of this feeling all of a sudden became everything she needed, no , everything she has craved for.

The poor girls life was a mess, and why? All because her favorite person on earth, her dear mother had cancer and it didn't look like it was getting better after 4 months of battle there was still a whole war left for Iris, and that's what led to Ivy's deathly spiral of alcohol. The actress could not handle the thought of losing her mom, in her mind the day her mom's gone she is too.

She felt guilty and started to spiral again she thought what if I truly am an addict? What is Gracie going to think of me? Will my mom be disappointed?

The brunette then decided to put the cigarette out with the sand beneath her body. Even though she felt the need to keep going she stopped because what she craved more was the alcohol.  As The craving got to much , she stared straight ahead to the moon , than started thinking about her mother and how she wasn't getting better.

She got up dusted herself off and went straight to the trailer, she walked in her tip toes and opened the cabinet where she knew the vodka was. Ivy unscrewed the top which proved to be easy as it was the bottle she opened the other day. Half of the vodka was left and she drank it all in less than minute. Her head soon started pounding with an all to familiar euphoric feeling, the girls throat burnt and ached but she couldn't give less of a shit.

She then silently put the bottle in the trash can and made her way to the little balcony that was in her trailer. She sat on the small couch and started crying scared of what was to come, she was absolutely petrified that her mother wouldn't make it, she had always been there for Ivy, in the good times and the bad she was the one who always managed to pick her up.

She hugged her legs as she cried harder and harder. Somewhere in the midst of her crying she groggily heard footsteps...

Gracie had woken up after hearing the trailers door shut and she noticed Ivy wasn't beside her anymore. She waited a few minutes to see if she came back but she fell asleep in the process of waiting in a while she woke up panicked cause Ivy wasn't beside her and she could make out sounds of someone crying. Therefore the singer swiftly stood up put her slippers on and walked towards the kitchen, she felt a light breeze which caused her to look to her left where the door of the balcony was open.