Del Rico Triplets #2: Retracing The Steps

Wakas ll

WAKAS ll

I have cried for Evangeline when she died but now with my wife, Rosalie... I cannot find my tears. Parang naubos na o talagang... ako mismo sa sarili ko ay talagang alam ko na wala akong karapatan na iyakan siya dahil ako ang nagdala sa kaniya sa ganoong sitwasyon.      

"Son..." Mom called me but I couldn't bear to look at her. Not now that she can truly see what I've become.

She warned me about this and I didn't take that seriously.

"Troi, anak..." nagsusumamo na ang boses niya nang makalapit sa akin.

She hugged me without any warning and cried on my arms. My mother is crying yet I can't seem to do the same. Nanatili akong nakabagsak ang tingin. She's already inside a private room and my cousins are inside, visiting her. Ako lang ang hindi makapasok. Ang hindi makapagpakita.

I'm sure she wouldn't want to see me. Alam ko dahil masyadong masakit ang naidulot ko sa kaniya. Those words repeatedly taunt me inside. Nagpapaulit-ulit din ang mge eksena kung saan lumuluha siya at nagmamakaawang patawarin ko siya sa kasalanang hindi naman pala kaniya.

Tangina!

Hindi ako sigurado kung gusto pa nga niya akong makita kahit kailan. Kung... kung mahal pa rin ba niya ako pagkatapos ng lahat? What I did to her is unforgivable. I lured her to this marriage and I'm the master of her sufferings. Will there ever be a chance for me? Miski ako gustong umiling sa sariling tanong.

"Anak ko... Troi... m-magsalita ka naman," nagsusumamo na ang boses ng aking ina nang minsan akong datnan sa loob ng silid, tulala pa rin.

I scanned the surroundings of my room and saw how it is an image of me inside.  In great chaos and so lost.

I watched my Mom treat my wounds that I didn't know where I've got. I have a lot of bruises but the pain from it never register on my system. Naroon ang mga sugat pero walang sakit. Katulad na katulad ko na pisikal ngang narito pero... nawawala ang katinuan ko. Nawawala iyong kagustuhan kong mabuhay pa.

"Cirolius..." Mom whispered with great emphasis.

"I can't believe they did this to you," lumuluhang sambit ni Mommy.

I wanted to ease her worries by smiling but I couldn't lift the side of my lips. Pakiramdam ko, paralisado ang katawan ko. Na ayaw nitong sundin ang sinasabi ng isip ko. Na miski sarili ko, tinatalikuran na rin ako.

"Your wife is pregnant, you jerk! Fix yourself, Troi! Nothing will happen if you stay like that. Do something to earn her again!" Kuya Tross is shaking my body so I could wake up from deep slumber.

I watched him as he massaged the tip of his nose and looking so hurt with the sight of me.

"We are so fuck!" he hissed and glanced at me once more.

They never failed to remind me of what I should do. Kaya naman kahit hirap na hirap ako...  pinilit kong bumangon. My son died but I'm expecting another child. Maybe God sent another angel so Rolly and I could find a way to forgive each other.

Umasa ako roon at handang-handa akong lumuhod sakali mang hilingin niya. Para sa kaniya... para sa anak namin... kahit ano kaya kong gawin.

But then fate might really be mad at me for what I've done to her. God is punishing me for hurting His child. For ruining Rolly whom He created as someone so worthy of love and yet... I killed her emotionally.

"You told me to fix myself and I did so I could face her!" sigaw ko nang muli akong harangin ng dalawa kong pinsan.

Mom is looking at me painfully.