Chapter 21//Troye

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Troye

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I feel like I'm going insane and I don't know what to do. I'm so worried about Connor and I have no control at all over what is going on. I'm so used to being in control of everything that go's on in my life. This is so different and I don't know how to handle it. The fact that it's my soulmate, the person that I'm in love with, makes everything twenty times harder. I care about him more than I care about myself, if someone hurts him I won't be able to live with myself.

I look down at his sleeping face, trying to calm myself down. I don't know what to do. I feel so incredibly useless and I don't know how to handle it. Only one thing is keeping me from not completely freaking out and that's the knowledge that he believes in me. Connor believes in me and cares about me. That's more than I can say about most other people.

I have a thought in my head that I need to push away but the more that I think about the harder it is for me to forget about it. I don't want to become to involved with him in case I can't save him. I know what your thinking. You already let him give you a blowjob and you returned the favor, that's pretty involved. I'm overwhelmed by all the thing that are going on and everything is going so fast but I don't know how to slow it down. I don't know how I can possible distance myself from him when I now know for a fact that I am in love with him. He's falling for me too, Tyler said that much, but I can tell that he doesn't truly know how he feels about me. I can't really blame him either, I wouldn't want to love a murder. I wouldn't want to love someone as fucked up as me either. I don't understand how he deals with this. I don't understand why either. He's my soulmate, yeah, but soulmates have left each other because fucked up things happened. He's not the type to give up though, he wants to make this work. He cares about you.

My phone buzzes on the bedside table and I carefully scoot out of Connor's grip so that I can sit up and get my phone. I reach out and grab my phone seeing a message from Dan waiting for me, I tap the screen a few times so that I can see the full message and I read it over a few times to make sure that I'm reading it correctly. I slide out of bed and Connor groans in his sleep then clutches a pillow in my absence. I walk out of our bedroom and down the hall as I dial Dan's number, he picks up on the second ring with a cheery,

"Good Morning." I almost snap at him about being cheery in a situation like this but I stop myself. Yelling at Dan is not going to fix anything.

"You need to start enforcing you security rules. That man is trying to kill my soulmate and he's leaving notes in Con's office like it's nothing." I say in a frustrated tone that is slightly louder than my usual voice. I sit down on one of the sofas in the living room and pull my knees to my chest.

"Phil and I have looked over the tapes and we haven't found any sign of anyone breaking into Connor, Marcus, and Tyler's office. We have seen a few unfamiliar faces in the last few days that none of the staff know. We are now checking everyone that walks through the door. We will keep the letters for further examination. Also since you've probably forgotten, Phil told me to remind you that it is your birthday today. Phil made reservations for the two of you at some fancy restaurant and the meals on us so go crazy, I'll text you the details."

"It's my birthday? Wow. I guess I'll talk to you later then." With that Dan hangs up the phone and I sit there on the couch thinking. My thoughts are interrupted by Dan texting me the address of the restaurant and telling me that he's texted Connor telling him about the reservations and that I'm to act surprised. I say okay and that's when I hear Connor walking down the steps, he peaks his head into the living room and sees me sitting on the couch in my boxers. He smiles and steps into the room, he walks over and sits beside me before he says anything.

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