He Stole My Heart (Heart Series #3)

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trigger warning: sensitive language , drugs 

I hope I have a family who I can run to when I'm hurting. But I only have myself so I hide in darkness... I wish someone soothes my aching heart... but I only have myself. I only have me, who doesn't know how to ease the pain... the roughness I feel... against my skin. 

Sometimes, I want to cry so loud. I want to scream the pain. I want someone to know that I am hurting. I want them to hear me cry and tell me everything's gonna be okay. I just want them to hug me... so tight that I feel secure and protected. I just need someone to be there for me... someone who will stop the wounds from bleeding.

The wound that turns into scar begind to bleed again... but in different reason. My heart was cut open, the blood flowing... it was flowing... I'm scared it can stain others but I can't stop it from bleeding. Defining my heart right now broken is too shallow.. my heart is crushed. 

"Dinner later," Fiona said. She's here sa condo ko, kagabi pa. She slept here dahil gusto niya raw akong samahan. 

It's been I think two months since we broke up? Ewan... I'm not counting it. Ayoko na ring pag-usapan 'yon. I was a mess. Inom lang ako nang inom. Malasing kung malasing. Pero imbis na makalimot.. lalo ko lang naaalala, lalo pang sumasakit. Pinapagalitan na nga ako ng mga kaibigan ko dahil halos nasa inuman or club ako gabi gabi. 

Kaya nandito si Fiona, kapag wala siyang ginagawa ay dito siya sa akin dumederetso. Dito natutulog para raw hindi ako mag-isa. Minsan naman si Laurice o 'di kaya si Eli. Nahihiya na nga ako sa kanila dahil marami silang kailangang gawin at tapusin na requirements pero sinasamahan pa rin nila ako. Dito na lang din ako sa condo ko nag-iinom, sinasamahan nila ako pero hindi sila nag-iinom. Minsan naman isang bote lang kapag hindi masyadong maraming ginagawa. 

"Bawal tumanggi. Kumpleto tayo mamaya. Double celebration 'to ni Aries," sabi ni Fiona. Bumuntong hininga na lang ako dahil wala naman na akong choice. 

How's life after we decided to end our relationship? It was hard. It was harder than I thought. It was painful... frustrating... I am miserable... I am lost. Minsan mas pipiliin ko na lang magstay dito sa condo ko para magmukmok at umiyak. I don't have any contact with him anymore. Deleting his number was useless because I memorized it so I blocked his number.. to avoid calling him, sending him unnecessary texts. 

I want to enjoy life. Gusto kong kalimutan lahat pero anghirap, e. Mahirap pa umusad. Sariwa pa ang lahat. Tuwing naririnig ko ang pangalan niya.. may kirot pa rin. Mabigat sa dibdib. I still wonder, how is he? Masaya ba siya kay Tamara? Are they happy? Is he? Naiisip niya pa rin kaya ako? Is he wondering about me? Is he.. coming back? 

Anghirap pala kapag sa isang tao lang umiikot ang mundo mo... kasi sa oras na iwan ka niya parang tumigil na yung paligid mo.. hindi mo na alam kung saan ka ulit magsisimula. Parang nawalan na ng direksyon yung buhay mo... Kahit gusto mong umusad, hindi mo magawa kasi hinihila ka ng sakit. 

"You look pathetic," 

Napatingin ako kay Ate. "Problema mo na naman?" kunot noong tanong ko.