•Ōscillatioņ• [The Mysterious Letter] England Cricket Team/ by SHIRIN SHANTA

Solitary

Seeing the worthlessness, each attempts how they got themselves settled for every desires, every actions. They weren't ready at all, perhaps the main thing is how one could fit himself permanently in someone's head. That's how the world had a Great meet with 'Priority', what deep down is cutting, tearing each pieces off. They deserved, they hardly deserved. I know maybe the thing was teaching its implication throughout miseries. But when itself became a MISERY? I more vary the differ to be unique at once. If it creats his own home in me, I let it!

Once upon a time, I was born and choosed to be born like this. Cause no one, literally no one, even God himself couldn't let me hear the answers, the uncertainties. You're not gonna have the difficulties for infinity decades and deep down You're lost counting and amused if no numbers were left! They are cruel, more cruel than reality. It's not a determination to get downgrade and placing each tears upwards, not a demand either. If those perfectionists were clarified some possibilities, where could even the permanent and ever-happening sureties hide? Was assured of each splits, each disintegrates. No one even can measure the amount. No one has the ability. They are happy, they are soo happy.

It was the time, when I didn't want myself to face today's present. It was the time, when I felt each seconds ache. I know what I was heading to face, heading into. Couldn't move myself, Couldn't change any steps. I was assured of each things. Nobody could feel me, they were so different. I saw myself loosing from a moralistic world, loosing from the vertiginous path. Carried myself through the end, they said, TRY! I couldn't say I didn't. Lord's path is the Best path, maybe some demons controlled me, maybe I'm not either from Lord.

Saw them having things, saw them smiling. Feels it too, feels good to see other feeling charmed. Locality prestigious the Attemptions, each sides become wrath. So what? Even a single damn try would be worth to say I tried. Just to say I TRIED. I am so tired, I'm alright. I know My eyes can't speak louder, my silence remain a Silent loud. Lord is no one! I could clearly settle myself for awakened nights, unsaid desires, inhumanly gaining pians etc... but I can't watch other to have the same, the same dreams having in reality. Not everyone can take everything. No, never.

World has two sides, mine has one. I haven't seen the other. Can't even think how's it look! What you get doesn't mean you deserve. I saw then having my place, placing their importance here and secured the permanency forever. Couldn't feel better, yeah I felt better and better after having those. FORMALITIES! Probably a formal way from Lord. We just have our impossible desires to impossibility! Didn't even know wether we are gonna get those or not. Some ways created by itself to assure a perfect decline, we know after even decades, it'll remain impossible and we don't even want to face ourselves in that same situation where things were about to happen but isn't happening. It's happening till we think! People's are happy in imaginations, like me. Dying here, writing it on diary, for no reasons. Have no one beside, have nothing left.

Know that I can go hardly enough through the direction making me adjoint. Perhaps kicking things out around through the barrier what I made once, it's still for the safety that I never felt. Although People made their ways anyhow. That is why I never felt anyone around me. If any unknown apprehension is calling me back, I might not be looking back. But I probably become one of them who'll  not even taking himself off from the ground. One still have to creat the stairs for me, when I am going up through it. Not a possible way to be asthenic ever. I made a promise to my mom when I was teenager. 'Its easy to hide yourself from every eyes, but when its time to face youselft in the mirror, you'd become the one to chose wether to be you or be nothing.'  The upper words, the meaning from it, is holding him, knot a breath inside of his lung and refreshes me. The Path he is walking, was created by myself. I never allows anyone to sway things down here. I never allowed to take the privacy I was binding outta there. Never even being so able to bow my head down to persons maybe a selected person. Never!

I, like the garbage, sitting and waiting for some shits to keep inside. Was he even able? This what I deserve, I am actually heading to change, heading to creat a new world..

As it was done, done by Sins.