Loving the unloveable

'The real me'

Iris:

I got into a fight. A lie. My father doesn't fight me, he beats me and this time he was angrier than ever. "Girls you need to leave. Now" I pushed them toward the door and slammed it shut in their quivering faces. They can't see this. I'm so grateful that I got them out before he started because it was one of the worst beatings he's ever given me. "I should of let her abort you!" He had screamed in my face while dragging me down the stairs by my hair.

"I thought you'd have some use to you, that we might get something out of having you but I was wrong. You're useless. Good for nothing. You're better off dead!" I don't doubt his words. I'm sure that if I had been aborted, if I had never taken my first breath out of the womb that the world would be a better place, for my family at least.

The strikes got easier to take as I dipped in and out of consciousness until my body gave up and I fainted in a puddle of my own blood. When I woke up the girls were surrounding me, crying hysterically with my blood coating their hands. I nearly vomited at the horrifying sight but kept it down for them. They didn't need to see that as well.

My father inflicted a black eye, busted lip, uncountable number of bruises, a large cut in the back of my head and a possibly broken hand. It's my right hand which is thankfully my non-dominant one but the pain is a bitch. I'm on so many painkillers I'm surprised I haven't overdosed yet. As much as I hate to admit it, Elias made me feel infinitely better even as we walked back to our friends who asked a million and one questions. He stuck by my side throughout the rest of Gracie's volleyball game, warning our friends to back off once he could see I was getting slightly overwhelmed.

when it was finished he stayed back while I congratulated Gracie on her win.
"Well done Gracie! I'm so proud, you did amazing" she beams joyfully at me before pulling me into a hug that has to be loose due to the injuries hiding beneath Elias' hoodie.
"Thanks sis you really didn't have to come watch me" I give her a stern look. "Of course I did and I'm glad I got to watch you beat their asses" her eyes light up even brighter if it's possible.

"I'm glad you saw it too, is it okay if I go to Arabella's house tonight? Her mom said she'd drop me off home later and everything" my sister clasps her hands together, under her chin as she pleads with me. I search the gym for her friends mom before I answer.
"Of course but remember your manners and text me if you need anything or if anything happens okay?"

"Yes always. I love you!" She kisses my cheek before running off to her friend. I watch them greet each other with the biggest smiles and sweetest voices before I turn back to my own friends. "Are you coming to hangout with us?" I look over at the people who have made my sisters year by cheering her on so loud that the referee had to look over and make sure there wasn't a riot going on in the bleachers.

"Not tonight but have fun" it looks as though Mal wants to say something more but decides against it and says this instead, "Well we are heading home but I'll call you later" she whispers with a kiss on my cheek before Aidan comfortingly squeezes my shoulder and then disappears outside with Mal by his side.
"Why do you always get into fights?" Kim asks almost as if it's a rhetorical question.
"I wish you would stop" I wish it would stop too.
"I'm okay" I assure her unconvincingly as she shakes her head with a frown.

"Saying it so many times won't make it true" she censures. "No but it being the truth will" Kim raises an eyebrow like she doesn't believe me for a second but lets it go after giving me a careful hug. "This conversation isn't over" Jake whispers before following the rest of them.
"I love you moody, don't do that to me again" Malcolm hugs me tighter than everyone else but I force my body to manage the pain it causes.

"I'm sorry" I sincerely apologise because I didn't mean to cause anyone upset, I just didn't have the energy to keep up a lie.
"It's not like I could stay mad at you anyway" he sighs before letting go with a soft smile.