Loving the unloveable

Birthday cake

Elias:

My family saw the photo of me and Iris from when we were at the mall with Bailey and then even more photos from Kim's art exhibit. We are all over the internet but for some reason Iris hasn't mentioned anything about it. I think it's because she doesn't really use social media and so hasn't seen our faces plastered everywhere but I'm currently thanking god that she hasn't freaked out. Yet.

I can't say the same for my grandma who has been blowing up my phone for the past week. I've been avoiding picking up her call because talking to her reminds me of my past. And more specifically the dreaded night that I've been trying to run away from. However, my mom called me this morning and warned me not to ignore another one of my grandmas calls. So when my phone starts to ring while I'm sat beside Iris in my kitchen, I know I have to take it. No matter how much I don't want to.

Iris' eyes glance up at me and away from the birthday cake she's icing when my shrill ringtone cuts through the peaceful atmosphere.
"It's my grandma" i impart, she nods as i edge toward the door. "I'll only be a second" my nervousness can be interpreted from my fingers that pull at the roots of my hair. I'm sure she notices as her eyebrows furrow and her lips turn downward as I slip outside and into the chilly October air.

I pace the pavement for a second before deciding to just bite the bullet and press the big green button. Without missing a beat her southernly accented, authoritative voice booms from my phone. "-I will kill you Arthur Jones!" Clearly unaware that I've answered, she screams at my grandfather who rattles off an apology quickly. Probably trying to save himself from having his ear chewed off.

"That man will be the death of me" I can almost see her shaking her head through the phone.
"Hey grandma" I make my presence known.
"Elias?! My beautiful boy how have you been?" Her warm welcome settles some of the fear in my gut as I can't help but smile at the sound of her homely voice. "I've been good getting on with school and playing football. I'm sorry I haven't answered your calls I've just been so busy" my excuse is poor and not nearly good enough but she doesn't yell like I expected.

"I know it's hard for you darlin' but we've been missing you. It's not the same not having all of my grand babies around" I rub a rough palm across my forehead. The guilt eats me up for leaving behind all of my family but I couldn't stay there after everything. It was too painful, too raw.
"I'm sorry grandma but I promise I'll answer all of your calls from now on"

"I'd love that but you know what I'd love even more?" I bite my lip, knowing exactly where this is going. "What would that be?"
"Let me talk to that beautiful girl you've been seeing" I chuckle—there it is; The real reason she's been calling. "I don't know grandma, I don't want you scaring her away"
"Oh hush now, she looks strong. I'm sure she could handle you're poor, old grandma" she got the first part right my girl is strong, the strongest person I know in fact.

"Maybe one day"
"Well your birthday is coming up, why not then?" My birthday is the 12th of December which is less than two months away but still not so close. "We'll see" I don't say no because if I did she'd fly down tomorrow and meet her in person.
"I'll take that as a yes" of course she will.
"Are you treating her well?"
"As best as I can"
"Good because any girl that can make my grandson smile again deserves only the very best"

Again. After the accident I fell into a terrible mental health state, so bad that we moved away. I rarely left my room never mind smiled but meeting Iris was like stepping into a fresh, new world. She didn't know about my past and even now she does her perception of me hasn't changed. Truthfully, I'm not sure where I would be if she hadn't captured my attention. She might of fought our relationship at first but even then I could tell that it wasn't me she was fighting.