Loving the unloveable

Old habits

Elias:

"Have any of you seen Iris?" I jog up to the boys who are just walking onto the field.
"Mal said they went mickeys after school but no one has since then" a frown forms on my lips as I look around the crowd searching for my girl. After a few seconds I find Kim and Mal and mouth to them 'where is Iris?' They only shrug looking back to their phones and hopefully calling her.

She's been acting weird these last couple weeks, she's sleeping more than normal, never eating unless I remind her and she just seems sad all the time but not in a crying type of way, it's like she doesn't feel anything at all sometimes. It's scary, really fucking scary.

"Come on Jones focus on the game, she'll show up" Jake bumps my shoulder and I nod.
"Maybe she's just running late" Aidan offers his suggestion. "Or maybe she's already here!" Malcolm grins stupidly fucking widely.
"Dumbass, we've already searched the crowd" Aidan shakes his head at our friend who walks backwards, in front of us.

"She could of turned up in the minute you've been talking duh" he scoffs at us all. "Idiots" why is he suddenly making sense? Or maybe it's cause I'm desperate. Either way my neck snaps to the side to search the crowd time and time again until the ref blows his whistle and the game begins. Normally, I'm completely focused on the play with only the thought of Iris in the crowd safely tucked away in the back of my mind to spur me on. But today I'm barely managing to complete passes because her absence is killing me.

At half time I look around and once I see yet again that she's still not there I yank my helmet off and storm off of the field. "Jones!" Coach calls and I swear under my breath. "What's up coach?" My tone is hard and not at all polite as I fall onto the bench in the dressing room and grab my phone. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You haven't played this bad all season!" He's screaming but I can't seem to care.

"I know I'm sorry"
"Don't be sorry be better!" He throws his hands in the air and I suck in a breath, pulling at the roots of my hair. There's no text, no call, no nothing not even from Luis or her twin sisters.
"I will be, I will be" I quickly shoot off a text asking if she's okay, throwing it back into my bag before coaches snatches it out of my hand and breaks it in half.

"Oh don't tell me it's Iris again" I nod, rubbing a palm over my face. "that girl keeps you on your toes" he sighs and I nod, yes she fucking does.
"Don't I know it"
"You have to be able to separate the game and real life, this is the perfect example of why" he shakes my shoulder and i nod, he's right I need to sort my head out. It just seems impossible when Iris is literally everything to me.

"You're right coach I'll fix my mess" he nods, turning to the rest of the team. "Alright everyone listen up" he gives us another pep talk and I try my hardest to focus as we head back onto the field. I get into position and breathe in deeply. If something was wrong one of the kids would have told me, I assure myself because I'm a second away from flipping my shit. Exhaling even slower, I pour all of my attention into the game at hand. I need to be better for the team.

For the second half of the game I play much better but not to my usual standard. And as soon as the game is finished and we've secured a good win I head straight for Kim and Mal.
"Have you heard from her yet?"
"No sorry, we've called and texted, nothing" Mal shows me the evidence of the millions of messages and missed calls that haven't been answered. "Alright I'm going to get changed, I'll go over and see her afterwards"
"Text us when you do"
"I will" I promise them both before jogging back to the changing rooms.

The boys steer clear from me as I have the fastest shower possible and get changed in record time. And then I'm out of there, jumping into my car and driving off with a bad feeling in my gut. Somethings has happened, I can feel it. Anxiety burns in my chest as I follow the familiar journey to the Moore household and park outside.