Loving the unloveable

Accepting help

Iris:

"How have you got sauce all over your face? It's even on your ear little D!" Me and Ava share a laugh as Adrianna looks down at her brother with disbelief and gaiety. Diego simply grins with a piece of pizza almost as big as him clutched in his hand. "It's scary how identical he is to Luis" Ava looks down at the boy who merrily eats his food.

"I know right, people mistake Diego as his son more often than not" besides their obvious relation of some sort, Luis also looks older than he is so Diego being his son isn't a far reach at first glance. "Well we understand that, people used to think she was mine and my twins mom" Ava laughs and Adrianna chuckles, sparing me a glance that I quickly avoid.
"She's only two years older, I don't know what people were thinking" another laugh and I fake my own to keep up the appearance that nothings bothering me.

"Psst" I look up. "Ris ris" he calls for my attention. "play with me?" Diego points to the small playground outside of the diner.
"I will after you finish your food" pushing his plate closer to him I wait for him to chew down his last piece of pizza. "Done!" He wipes the back of his hand across his chubby cheeks that are smeared with tomato sauce.

"Okay come here" happily tottering to my side, he lets me lift him, "Iris you really shouldn't do that-" I've picked him up and put him on my lap before Ava can finish her sentence. Her eyes dart to my bandaged hand before she spears me with eye contact. "It barely hurts, don't worry" its hard to bare but I have to bare it is the truth. My sister shakes her head disapprovingly but doesn't try to stop me again as I  wipe away the mess off of Diego's face with a napkin.

"That's better" placing the dirtied tissue on my plate I turn to Adrianna who is deep in conversation with my sister. "Do you mind if I go play with Diego outside?" I ask her in order to not undermine her authority in front of her brother.

"No just be careful" she advises and I smile.
"Of course, let's go little man" putting him back on his own two feet I stay close behind him as he runs off toward the diner doors that I hold open for him. Diego makes a beeline for the swings that I help him sit on before I push him gently.
"Higher!" He chants though I don't give in too much. He's only little, I don't want him to fly off.

"If you go any higher you might touch the sun" I warn him. "I want to touch the moon!" Stretching his arms out as far as they'll go, he attempts to reach for the sky with i smile bemused.
"I'm too small" he huffs.
"You might not be able to touch the moon but you can get much closer than that" slowing the swing to a stop I walk around and stand in front of him. His brown speckled eyes look up at me in curiosity.

"What'd you say? Wanna be a rocket?"
"Yes please!" Smiling from ear to ear, I lean down and pick him up from under the arms. Lifting him as far as my arms will allow, I watch him look around in awe. "Do you want to spin?" His eyes shoot down to mine, wide with excitement.
"Yes!" I chuckle but oblige. At first I turn slowly to make sure he's safe but after thirty seconds I speed up and am blessed with the sound of his joyous laughter bouncing off of nearby trees and awakening the birds inhabiting them.

Flashbacks of Ava and Gracie laughing the exact same way makes me almost tear up. One of my earliest memories was with the twins, our mom and dad had gotten into another fight and for some reason she pointed her finger at me. I think I had eaten the last piece of bread and when my father found the empty packaging he started yelling. I had seen this same thing before, he would find something to be angry about and then unleash the cruellest man onto everyone in his sight. Sometimes if he couldn't find my mom he'd find me, those were never good times.

So when I heard them start to argue I grabbed the twins and snuck them outside. Gracie played in the grass while Ava lay in my lap as i plaited her hair. "I don't like when they yell" Ava had whispered with a frown. "All parents argue sometimes" I had excused the behaviour with such innocence when all I want to do now is shake my younger self and tell her that it wasn't okay and it wasn't normal. None of that was normal.