Bloodlines

"I fucked up everything."

Theo

Tears flood my eyes as I fall onto my knees. No fucking way. There is no way she was pregnant and we only find out when she loses it...

"Let's go outside." Ezra pulls me up. "You need fresh air."

"I fucked up everything." I say, emotionless.

"None of this is your fault, man. This shit happens unfortunately and we can't prevent it. Im so sorry this is happening to you but you need to ease your mind so you're able to ease Avalon's." He pulls me in for a hug. "You need to be the best you for her."

His words sink into my head which is when I immediately jog out of the hospital, puking into a pile of bushes.

"Let it out, buddy." Ezra pats my back.

"Did I kill our baby?" I place my hands on my thighs as I slouch over, choking on my own words.

He shakes his head. "She had placental problems. You did not do any of this."

"I could've been a dad." Drops of my tears splash against the concrete.

"I'm so fucking sorry." I hear him trying to hold back his own tears.

My head is spinning.

Probably the alcohol.

The stress.

I just want to slam my head into a telephone pole and hope it puts me out of this pain.

I can't.

Avalon needs me.

And I need her.

*****

"Checkmate." Thomas leans back in his chair.

"This game is so boring. Do they have anyyyyy other ones?" Rowan scavenges through the kids games.

While the guys play some stupid games, I remain in my chair bouncing my leg up and down while twiddling with my fingers.

"Theodore?" The nurses voice causes me to shoot right up out of my chair. "Avalon wants to see you."

"Oh thank God." I follow the nurse into the room and see Avalon lying down in absolute distress.

I don't even know what to say.

What do I say?

"I'll leave you both a moment." The nurse exits the room and that's when I sit at the chair next to Av's best.

"Av—"

"Please, don't." She cuts me off and just puts her arms out for me.

I give her a hug and breakdown once again. "I am so sorry."

"This isn't your fault. I don't want to talk about it.... at least right now. Please can we just... stay silent."

Her voice cracks.

This is going to absolutely kill me. How am I going to be able to hold myself together in front of her? I'm going to go into a fucking spiral.

My world is spinning.

I can't see straight.

I can't control my breathing anymore.

"FUCK!" I shout and storm out of room, running outside with zero desire to stop.

I can't slow down.

Where do I go?

What do I do?

Before I know it, my legs are taking me somewhere that brought me comfort as a child.