Bloodlines

Road to Recovery

Theodore

How can I grieve something I didn't even know existed until the end?

Why do I feel the need to keep punishing myself over something I didn't know about?

"Theodore." Laney snaps me out of my thoughts. "What are you thinking?"

I look up at her as she writes in her little journal. "I don't feel safe in my own head."

"Why's that?" She puts her pen down.

"I could've been a dad."

"Look at it this way, you're still a father to your angel baby—"

"No no, it's not— it's not the same." I stand up, stressfully running my fingers through my hair. "I-I could've been the father I never had growing up." I pace. "I would NEVER lay a finger on my baby." I snap. "Everyone has always seen me as this heartless human when I was a victim." I pant. "I WAS A FUCKING VICTIM!" I punch the wall.

Laney gets up and puts her hands out. "Please Theodore, please sit down."

"I think this is the end of our session." I storm out of the room where Avalon greets me.

She gives me a weak smile.

I know she heard that.

I know she knows it didn't go well.

"Give it time. It's only your third session—"

"I'm not getting any better." I gently grab her hand and pull her out of the office. "Please help me."

She frowns and hugs me tightly. "We're going to get you the help you need, baby. How about a psychiatrist? Maybe one can prescribe you medicine, I know you don't want to be on it thou—"

"Anything to get me out of my head." I back up and open the car door for her. "I'll do it."

She gets in. "I'll schedule it for you."

I shut the door and get into the drivers side. "Thank you."

She grabs my hand and leans in for a kiss.

I passionately kiss her and rub her hand. "I gotta drop you off and sign up for my next semester."

She nods. "I love you, baby. We're gonna get through this."

"I love you." I force a smile and pull out of the building.

******

"Did you sign up?" Rowan walks up to me.

I look at him dumbfounded as I have a stack of papers in my head.

"I take that as a yes." Thomas laughs. "Have y'all seen Ezra?"

"He's trying to get some girls number over there." Rowan points ahead of us, revealing a desperate Ezra trying to rizz up some blondie.

The girl makes eye contact with me and I see a blush spread across her face when Ezra turns to us, probably telling her we're with him.

"Oh oh!" Thomas gets excited. "I think he got her!"

We watch as the girl types something into his phone and walks off while waving at us.

Ezra tries to act cool as he walks up to us, but nothing can hold back that smile he's urging to release.

"I got it boys!"

"WOOHOO!"

I stand there, emotionless.

"Bro, Cassie is a fucking CATCH! Props to you! When y'all hanging out?" Thomas nudges Ezra.