Pookal Pookum Tharunam

ꜰɪꜰᴛʏ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

Ajay

Don't make me regret for saying the truth.

I prayed in my mind looking at her expressions which went blank since I said that I had a crush on her in the past. There is no point in hiding it from her anymore. In the heat of the moment, I voiced out what exactly ran in my mind.

It was soo fucking true, eleven years ago, at that goddamn library, I wanted to kiss her exactly like this. Fiestly.
Passionately. A kiss that would make her forget that she is a human. Taste that little sweetness of her pink lips. On that day, never in my dreams I thought I could make that fantasy with that odd one out devi, come true. That thought excited me. She is my wife. I love her. She loves me (I know that) I can do anything more than just kissing her.

That excitement made me say it out loud. That I wanted to kiss her long back. It confused her. Only when she was confused I realised what I have blabbered out. I told her about Rakesh's birthday. Her remembrance caught me off guard. She remembered the incident when I myself forgot it until the same scenario was recreated accidentally at  her house. She might have also remembered just like how I did.

I watched her closely who is looking at me with nothing but shock. Her hair is dishelved and wet, her lips are swollen, her kajal smudged, her neck had water droplets. She fisted the cloth over my shoulder and gulped a lump.

"Bhodhaila olaratha jay" she said, her voice completely in disbelief.

"Ayyoo enak bhodhaye erala dii" I said frustrated.

She pushed me away and got down and walked out of the kitchen without a word. I have fucked up. I just don't want her to hate me. When we were kids, she considered me as a random family friend. But me? How did I see her? I fucking fantasized her and had the balls to tell her that directly. Its me who have ignored her for one and a half years due to my ex. When I started loving Devi, I started reliving my 16 year old self, that I even forgot the 10 years in between, that I even forgot I had an ex. What might she be thinking of me right now? That I am a cheap asshole? Thats what I am.

I wanted to talk to her, apoligize to her. I walked out of the kitchen to the bedroom where she left and saw her opening a suitcase. I frowned. She took some things out of it and looked at me with tear filled eyes. I walked closer and found a familiar spiderman key chain on the bed. I took it in my hands. It was mine. My favorite key chain. I liked it a lot and I worried a lot when I missed it somewhere. How did she get it? I looked at the other things. A stone bracelet (which I realised it to be mine) some books (I don't realise them). I looked at her questioningly

"Eleven years ago, I had a crush on you too" she smiled through her tears.

What????

"You what?" I asked her disbelief engulfing me.

She took out a book imprinted 2008 and handed it over to me.

"Ithellam English teacher journal ezutha sonnapo ezhuthunath... Ana naa ezhuthi vachurken nu neengale paarunga" she said chuckling.

I sat on the bed and opened the book.

14/02/2008

Valentines day, my ass. The whole thing about this day is so irritating. I wish I had a power to just skip this day. Like sleep on 13th night and wake up on 15th morning. A guy who studied 12th std, gave me a love letter and asked me to give it to Nandhini, a 10th std akka. It infuriated me. He reminded me of Ajay who is also in 12th std now. I wonder if Ajay had a girlfriend. Will he be stalking behind girls to give them love letters??

My heart skipped a beat reading my name in her book. I looked at Sreedevi who sat beside me, smiling shyly.

"Maa naa ponnungala paathale odiduven ma school padikrappo" I said.