"Hongjoong... I'm sorry..."
Seonghwa couldn't bring himself to look back into Hongjoong's eyes. At some point, he expected the other to say something along the lines of, 'Don't blame yourself', ' I forgive you' or 'It's not your fault' but he didn't know whether he would hear it.
After all, Hongjoong had been a mess, a grave mess of incoherent thought and guilt over the period of his father's death.
Not to mention, just because he was a doctor didn't mean he wasn't affected by his past. With everything piling onto him, he was close to breaking.
A sigh from Hongjoong was the only thing that broke the deafening silence in the room.
"Seonghwa, just... I'll need a minute... on my own. Could you, just... head out for a minute?" He spoke.
Seonghwa looked up and he could see Hongjoong's eyes watering, jaw clenched and his balled up fists trembling, he seemed as though he was holding back all the emotion he wanted to spill out.
Seonghwa simply nodded and left, shutting the door behind himself before rushing to the bathroom to cry his guilt away.
Hongjoong sat down on the floor in his office, burying his head into his arms as he curled up on the floor.
Yeosang knocked, announcing his entrance and peeked into the room before entering fully.
Wordlessly, he walked up to Hongjoong and sat beside him on the floor, reaching an arm around his shoulders to soothe him.
"I'm so angry, so angry at him" Hongjoong grit his teeth as he sobbed, a strong feeling of hatred towards Seonghwa that he was trying so hard to rationalize, to tell himself that it wasn't Seonghwa's fault.
Yeosang sighed and rubbed Hongjoong's shoulder, "You know the truth, I can't tell you. I know you aren't the most stable right now buddy but... I know you're strong, Hongjoong. Don't let yourself slip, remember that your friends are here for you, your father wants you to be happy and Seonghwa really loves you. Don't lose yourself in that anger, we'll be here for you."
Hongjoong took in a sharp breath and raised his tear-stained face, "I'm so angry at him, Yeosang. I can't... I know Seonghwa didn't do anything wrong but... I'm.." tears proceeding to once more trickle down his cheeks, "I can't stop myself.." he sobbed, frustration obvious as he gripped his hair in tight fists.
Yeosang didn't have a follow up comment, simply resorting to silently rubbing Hongjoong's shoulder.
"Maybe, you should take a break to clear your mind."
-
Hongjoong stood in front of his mirror, adjusting his sleeves for the 10th time.
Today, his friends were going to accompany Seonghwa over to his place so Hongjoong could finally see him after a month of clearing his head.
After all, he loved him and the time was necessary for him to get the help he needed and properly process the loss. It wasn't until yesterday morning that he told Yeosang that he finally wanted to see Seonghwa.
A knock finally sounded from the living room and Hongjoong took a deep breath before stiffly walking over to the door and turning the knob, pulling it open to reveal Wooyoung who sported the biggest smile, "Hey, hyung! Let us in?" He quipped. Hongjoong stepped back and everyone else came pouring in, and Hongjoong finally caught a glimpse of a nervous Seonghwa.
Yeosang and Yunho helped stiff Seonghwa find his place in the living room, with Hongjoong helplessly staring at him.
Yeosang looked at his friend, "You gonna say something or what?" He asked Hongjoong. Hongjoong snapped out of his daze and fought with himself a few times before settling on the best greeting he could use right now.
"It's nice to see you." He smiled awkwardly. Seonghwa smiled back, "You too."
Hongjoong could see the eager hesitance in Seonghwa's gaze that was fixated on him and knew that he exuded the same hesitance and eagerness, especially upon seeing one he missed so much.
Being apart from Seonghwa was necessary, going to the needed therapy was necessary, all excruciating and tiring but necessary. Hongjoong was glad he was able to push himself through it, get himself stable and rational again.
Whenever Hongjoong thinks about that night and the day he spoke to Seonghwa, he couldn't help but think how many ways that day could've gone, the rage he felt was manic, his mind spiralling and the depraved urge to do SOMETHING in hopes that the feeling and the guilt goes away. Whenever he thinks back to the fact that the one who killed his father was never caught, he feels as though he could just throw everything around and destroy the room in anger, feeling just as he did when he had the discussion with Seonghwa upon realising it. But now Hongjoong simply feels the pain, it's a pain in his chest that makes him want to cry but he wasn't mad, he didn't want to hit and scream, he simply wanted to cling onto the ones he loved and feel comforted by them. Especially the loved one he missed so much, and felt guilty towards, although that guilt is something he knows Seonghwa would make him get over with his kindness.
Hongjoong's eyes soften even further, his feet subconsciously inching slightly forward.
Mingi ended up rolling his eyes and grabbing Hongjoong and pushing him close to Seonghwa, "Just hug him, I'm getting tired." He deadpanned. It seems Hongjoong didn't bother fighting as he immediately wrapped his arms around Seonghwa and buried his face into his collar, "I missed you, Seonghwa." He muttered. Seonghwa felt all jittery at the contact and returned the hug once he got over the tingles, "I missed you too." He smiled.
The two stood that way for a while, simply basking in each other's long-coveted embrace before their moment was ruined,
by Wooyoung's loudness.
" I FORGOT THE BEER, FUCK!"
Followed by San smacking the shit out of the back of Wooyoung's head. Drawing out a fit of laughter from everyone in the room, including Seonghwa and Hongjoong who enjoyed their hug with a side of comedic relief to break the overly sentimental tension.
(A/N:
I suddenly reread this and after years, decided I wanted to give it the happy ending that was deserved. Of course, I don't think I regret the rushed ending as it is a dark turn which suits my tastes but I admit, I didn't have anymore will to write this story but I didn't want to leave it undone so I threw in a rushed ending I knew was gonna get hated.
This is the canon ending and although everything is pretty clumped up and requires context, I believe I'll have a whole index for context at some point before next year.
To all that stood around for the initial ending, sorry for breaking your hearts and just ending it the way it did, rushed and unjust.
Nonetheless, I didn't write this because of the hate on that chapter, I wrote it because I felt as though this story could've done better, seeing as everyone supports it alot even though it's something I wrote YEARS ago. Upon revisiting, I understand why people liked it even though I myself thought it was just a simple fanfic.
I am glad that everyone had enjoyed most of the story and in a way, I hope this pays penance to my heartless initial ending.)
